worth mentioning

this christmas...

2011-12-12T07:26:00.000-08:00

it's monday morning and the rain is gently falling. the christmas tree is lit up and fully decorated with memories from my husband and my childhood as well as those precious handmade crafts that our kids have brought home (without breaking, of course). i have enjoyed a warm cup of coffee and given my sick one medicine to help ease her discomfort. the stockings are hung and the nutcrackers are scattered around. the kitchen waits for the candy making to commence. the closet is filled with gifts that need to be wrapped in matching brown paper with pretty ribbons.

the more i type the more my stomach hurts and my heart sinks. just last week a friend of mine sent me a link to a blog asking if i had read it. i have been reading this blog for well over a year and then read a book by the author this spring while i was in Peru. i had read her blog telling the story of their family's christmas last year but had tucked it away in my mind for another time.
read this year's post on Ann Voskamp's Blog then come back. i'll be here.

this was my response to my friend:

"I have and it makes my heart ache to do
the same thing. I think I might read it to my
kids and pray they hear the truth. How
does one go about changing the gift giving
tradition? For we are not saved by human
tradition so why do I cling to it so?"

i have continued to think about this blog. i have searched my heart as to why i am so stubborn in regards to letting go of the gift giving. as a teenager, my aunt and uncle would give us a devotional book and a little card saying that a donation had been made to a foundation in our honor. i am embarrassed to admit it but, i thought that was a sorry gift to give a teenager. my self absorbed heart wanted the temporal. i wanted all the stuff that would not last. i am thankful God has continued to work on my heart.

i sell my God short. one of the reasons i have clung to giving "stuff" for Christmas is that i don't want my children to feel slighted. i want them to have good gifts. i want them to not feel left out or deprived. in my doing so, i am separating them from what God has intended for them to know about the world and what we are called to do for others.

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to
give good gifts to your children, how much more
will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those
who ask him! "
Matthew 7:11

ross and i spent time the other morning talking about how we do christmas and how we remember christmases of our growing up years. neither of us can honestly direct our memories to the birth of Christ. both of us grew up knowing that christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ but the magic of christmas that we remember from growing up really had little to do with Christ.

in our effort to train up our children in the Lord we have begun new traditions like the jesse tree advent, going to the Christmas eve service, and making a Jesus birthday cake for christmas day. many conversations are had throughout the season about what christmas is really about. we still do the santa thing and i don't have any real problem with it. anna even said last night, "santa is magic. he knows a lot but God and Jesus know more." we read all kinds of christmas books throughout the month- those about santa, snowmen, the Christ child, ways that people around the world celebrated...you get the gist.

our children are generous givers and somehow we have horded christmas for them. in light of wanting our family to go beyond ourselves and see that God is at work in a world that is so much bigger we have decided to begin giving a new gift to our children praying that in the coming years we will give more than we receive (from a worldly perspective of course).

here's our plan- on Christmas eve we have always given our children new Christmas pjs. this year they will still get their new pjs but they will also get a catalog and money envelope. under the light of our tree in the warmth of new pjs, that are a gift from God that we all too often fail to recognize, we will give our children the chance to choose a gift to give to someone else who's in need of what we take for granted.

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come,
you who are blessed by my Father; take your
inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since
the creation of the world. For I was hungry and
you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and
you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger
and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you
clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was
in prison and you came to visit me.’
“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when
did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and
give you something to drink? When did we see you a
stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe
you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did
for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine,
you did for me.’
Matthew 25: 34-40

dear Lord, would you strip away my ugly heart of selfishness and lack of faith in the work you are doing in our children's hearts and give us all selfless hearts that break for that which breaks Yours. may we, as a family, in your grace reach beyond our temporal comforts to provide for the needs of others so that You are glorified.

" Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of
witnesses, throw off everything that hinders and the sin that
so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race
marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and
perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,
scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne
of God."
Hebrews 12:1-3

boldness in the form of a 9 year old...

2011-11-18T18:55:00.000-08:00

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
2 timothy 1:7

monday evening while ross was at bsf i was getting the kids ready for bed. as i was putting the littles down henry asked if daphne could please join him for a "prayer meeting". how can you say "no" to that?

after i had tucked in the babies i could hear henry and daphne talking so i went in to redirect them toward getting their "have to-s" done so they could get to bed at a decent time. when i walked into his room there they were. side by side on his bed with Bibles open taking turns reading. it was one of those mental snapshot moments. once they finished we all prayed together and i took daph off to tuck her in.

when i came back to tuck henry in he told me he wanted to start a Bible study at school during recess. he wanted to invite his friends and enemies to study the Bible, answer questions and then play games.

me of little faith went straight to "what if he gets rejected"? this being my thought i wanted to talk through what his ready response would be if in fact one of his "friends or enemies" said no way to this idea. he just said, "i'll tell them- maybe next time." he had the whole thing planned already. he was going to make invitations, study colossians and write out questions to ask the group. "if anyone gets the answer wrong then i will just show them where the right answer is in the Bible." we prayed for God to use him and to bring all the ones who He wanted there.

tuesday morning he passed out 28 invitations. each 4th grader and the 2 teachers received one inviting them to join him on wednesday. tuesday night he went through the whole thing with us. a welcome, prayer, reading scripture, questions and a game.

wednesday afternoon his teacher called me and said that 22 kiddos showed up at the Bible study, pencils in hand and engaged. 22 nine and ten year olds gave up their recess to read the Bible together! afterward he told his teacher that he wasn't planning on being a preacher when he grows up to which she replied, "whatever God calls you to will be just what you will do."

"Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."

Lord, You are so faithful even when i am faithless. thank you for loving my boy even more than i can imagine. would you continue to use him and the gifts You have blessed him with for Your glory? thank You for giving him a boldness and reminding him that he has nothing to fear. You are so good.

my thankful list thus far...

2011-11-18T18:36:00.000-08:00

Today I am giving thanks for this moment as Amos Lee is playing and my Daphne is asking me about the invention and usage of the Neti Pot- yes simultaneously these two things are occurring.

Day 2: I am thankful for parking lots, a window full of friends and advice on cleaning pee smelling grout.

There are brief snippets of time when I think to myself, "if I had this quiet moment more often I would love to paint a picture of all the sweet people and moments that make up my cornucopia of joy." Then I realize that without the chaos of my life I wouldn't have such a bountiful harvest in my heart. Day 3: I am thankful for all the noise and chaos of my days and the little quiet reminders of the joy that comes with it all.

words. they can be a salve to a wound. they can be an encouragement to the downtrodden. words can bring laughter. words can challenge and sharpen. words can be life giving. words can restore. Day 4: today i give thanks words.

Time. All too often wasted on things that will not last but today it is being spent with my 5 most favorite people in the entire world. Day 5: I am thankful for time spent together with my family.

the sound of the palm trees blowing in the cool breeze. the football game played out in another room. the tick of the clock. the little voices calling my name. Day 6: Today i give thanks for my sense of hearing.

A warm bed, rain falling, cold weather, snow on the mountains, hot coffee, a morning at home. Day 7: I am thankful for this day.

For yesterday Day 8: Hard work shows itself. Do not merely listen to the word an so deceive yourselves. Do what it says!

Day 9: I'm thankful for books. I dream of one day sitting on the porch of a beach house in Maine wrapped in a cozy blanket with a hot cup of tea reading a fabulous book.

Day 10: I am thankful for a voice to speak truth.

Day 11: i am thankful for the men and women who put themselves in harm's way, leave their families and comforts so that i can enjoy freedom.

Day 12: I am thankful for 34 years of life- adventures and trials.

Day 13: It can calm me. It can encourage me. It can push me to work harder. It can paint a picture in my mind. Today I give thanks for music. From listening to Toto and Todd Rundgren with my dad or Windham Hill and Julio Iglesias with my mom, masterfully created mix tapes by Melissa Riley, and now the DJ skills of Henry & my husband Ross Newman my taste in music is varied but not a day goes by without a song in my mind.

Day 14:i am thankful for packages of thank you cards in the dollar bin. there is just something special about sending a handwritten note to thank someone for their kindnesses. i love to receive them but truly enjoy sending them.

Day 15: i am thankful for the boldness of my son. he proves to me over and over that we do not have a spirit of fear but of but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.(2 Timothy 1:7) He decided Monday night to boldly invite his friends and enemies at school to join him for a Bible study. i am humbled at the young man God is growing him into.

Day 16: i am thankful for the many pictures that i have whether in a box in the closet, a handcrafted scrapbook, on my computer or on my phone. i wish i were some fantastic photographer that could make every picture i have look like we were always bathed and happy but in reality most pictures in my possession show our reality. pb&j faces, laughter, tangled hair and lots and lots of love. i think that might be better.

Day 17: i am thankful for this exact place in life. i have thought at times "what if i had..." and all of what i can fill in the blank with falls flat and lifeless to what i have and what i have lived. life has not been easy or like that perfect picture i would like to capture but life thus far has been full. some things i would love to not have experienced but not at the risk of the changes in me that have occurred in the process.

Day 18: i am thankful for vacuum cleaners. i like a freshly vacuumed rug or carpet. (no one said the whole list of thanksgivings had to be full of deep meaningful things- i really am thankful for vacuums.)

e break...

2011-10-13T20:18:00.000-07:00

let me just confess my absolute ridiculous dependency on a certain material object. it is pathetic, i must admit.

today i had to set up a principal's coffee that the 4th grade was hosting so i had the sweet opportunity to drive my kiddos to school. we are in a carpool and i have the afternoon pick up responsibility so i don't often get to drive them in the mornings. for some reason i enjoy driving them in the mornings. maybe it is because everyone is usually still in a good mood and not feeling the weight of the day. afternoons tend to include tired bodies & minds, grumpy attitudes and/or hungry bellies. with four little people demonstrating one or more of the previously mentioned troubles- afternoon drives home can be....well, less than pleasant.

back to my story. so i dropped off the big kids and the two littles followed me in to the school library to set up this casual informational meeting/conversation with the school principal. i was actually feeling pretty good about the fact that though an item on the sign up sheet was not provided i did not cave in and make the food. i recognized that not having a food spread that looks like a southern living magazine cover was not a reflection on me nor is it a necessity. this is big for me people. i think room moms are typically the "get things done" kinda people and if others don't then i, the room mom, will. so as you can see, this is a big deal that i went in this morning knowing the food spread would not be as i would like and i was okay with it. (insert applause)

all things went well. there was plenty of food and coffee. my littles were not the silent type but we muddled through the meeting with my iphone providing intermittent entertainment. at 9:15 i had to scoot out of the meeting so that i could get to the gym for a workout class. the girls and i got in the car and off we went to the gym. on the way i reached for my phone and sure enough it was not in my purse. oh i was frustrated! but knowing that it was at the school i kept going towards the gym. for the next hour i worked hard and sweated buckets then we headed back to the school.

no one had turned in the phone. it was on silent and so when the office staff called it there was no sound. i checked the garbage can and it was not there. i called ross and asked him to track it. because we had just updated to the new operating system the night before the locator was offline. i left defeated by a 2"x5" piece of modern technology.

once in the car i began to cry. i know that sounds silly but understand that i cannot afford to run out and buy anything i might desire. i have to save. i have to wait. i have to learn delayed gratification. iphones are not cheap. here i was driving home in tears wondering what could have happened to my phone. i was frustrated that i had let the girls play with it. ross never lets them touch his phone and i have thought that was a bit extreme but now i was kicking myself for not having the same standard with my phone.

then the Holy Spirit smacked me upside the head. between my ridiculous thoughts of my "whole life is on that phone" and "all those pictures and videos" He quietly said, "is it really that important to you? where your treasure is so is your heart. do you weep over those who do not know the Father?"

it was as if the e break had just been hit. my whole self reliant, control freak worldly life is on that phone and losing it is disastrous on some level but in the big picture it has no real value even if it did cost me a small fortune. that little man-made machine in more ways than i would like to admit is a tangible representation of my depraved heart.

i rely on myself in so many ways and find that in my control freak world i am restless. there is a song on my iphone (insert little chuckle) by audrey assad that has been striking a cord in me for some time now. "i am restless. i am restless. i am restless till i rest in you. till i rest in you, oh God."

Lord, my soul finds rest in You and You alone. You are the one who has saved me. You are my rock and my salvation. You are my only fortress. I will not be shaken, oh God. Let it be in You, oh Lord, that I seek my security. Forgive me for placing such a high value on such a ridiculous material object. Thank you for pulling the e-break on my meltdown today- showing me where my treasure was. You are so good to me.

this is not a facebook status update...

2011-06-23T22:35:00.000-07:00

sometimes i feel like facebook is for the polite platitudes and faux images of a life that has a pretty soundtrack to it. this blog tonight is definitely not that.

i am struggling. no, that's not really a strong enough word... i am failing at parenting one of my children. i cannot for the life of me figure this one out. i want desperately to find a common ground but i find that more often than not i am so frustrated that i lose it.

today was one of those days. there is no excuse for it and i am far angrier than is reasonable. this child of mine is a lazy kid much of the time and so toys are never put away, clothes are strewn on the floor, items of "great worth" are lost time and time again. this makes me so incredibly angry to be honest. it is one thing to have a room that is a mess... i'm getting better at letting messes exist for a time but when i ask for the said mess to be cleaned up i expect it to be done all the way. i find clothes shoved in the corners of the closet. i find toys hidden behind furniture. tonight it was the goggles that sent me through the roof. how hard is it to pick up your goggles at a swim meet and put them in your bag? it isn't and yet here we are minus a pair of $20 goggles.

"money does not grow on trees" is true in case you are wondering and so when you lose $20 goggles ( you might be thinking "why in the world would you pay $20 for goggles" but in swimming there is the $6 goggles that don't actually work and then the next step is the $20 ones) i get very upset but more so because i see this as a heart issue in my child and it really brings out bad stuff in me.

when other people are with my little one they just eww and awe over what a sweetheart this one is. lots of joy seems to be had when anyone is with this one. here i am feeling like an outsider looking in. i feel like i am missing out on something and just can't find it. i see the smile and hear the laughter but feel so distant. what's wrong with my heart? i am so broken to know that i can be so angry with my precious little child and that tonight my words hurt.

i was not nice to this one tonight over a pair of goggles. goggles. i tell my kids all the time that people are more important than things and yet i did not live that out today. i let money and what i think is valuable (responsibility) come before this child. i still think it was irresponsible to lose the goggles but somehow i was the one who lost what is valuable.

i want to know this child and i feel like i can't. i want to laugh and enjoy the delight that comes with this one's presence. i want to shepherd the heart and yet i am losing a relationship with this one.

"Lord, i confess tonight that i was wrong. my words were hurtful and i did nothing with love. i failed tonight and i am so sad that i can't get any of it back. i want this night to disappear and i want my child's heart and mind to forget it all. why can't i see my child through different eyes? help me see with your eyes. help me see anything through your eyes. help me to delight in this little one. help me to know how to delight in everything."

more...

2011-04-09T16:31:00.001-07:00

Peru- March 2011

2011-04-09T15:57:00.000-07:00

next week...

2011-03-07T12:38:00.001-08:00

next week i am leaving for an adventure of a lifetime. i was asked last fall to pray about taking part in a mission trip with international dental ministries to peru. in december i decided to go. God has graciously provided enough donations to make it financially possible and each obstacle has fallen to the wayside without hesitation.

when i was in high school i planned to go with a youth mission organization to zimbabwe, africa on a summer mission trip. after arriving at boot camp i just couldn't hack it. to this day i am not sure what my problem was but for all the wrong reasons (fear, boyfriend at home, etc.) i quit and came home. i regret that decision. at some point in my walk with the Lord He gave me a heart for missions and for africa. i don't know in what capacity or when He may do something with that little portion of my heart but it has never changed. so here i am some 15 years or so later heading out to the highlands of peru.

in many ways i feel like i did before giving birth to my first child- it is going to be more wonderful and more challenging than i can comprehend at this point so let's just go! we will be traveling to lima and then to cuzco and from there we will travel to the rural village where we will serve the peruvian people. my role is one of assisting the dentists who will be caring for the villagers' dental needs. i will sterilize instruments, assist procedures and will also help with the food prep for our entire team. that last part sounds like it might be a big job but i feed six people daily so feeding 10 seems not too different.

while we are there we are taking a couple of days to sight see. i mean, it's not like i go to peru any ole time so we have to take in as much as we can while we can. we will ride on a train, stay in a hostel and even climb to the top of that big rock in this picture of machu picchu. i am assured that if i can hike the grand canyon then i can do this.

it is very strange to leave ross and the kids here. somehow i have a false sense of security when we are all together. leaving means not being able to control anything. this trip is forcing me out of any comfort zone i have clung to. i am not fearful or concerned for myself but i am tender for my family.

henry has been a little nervous about me going. he asked me if i would be killed for talking about Jesus. i have never been one to tell my kids, "mommy will always come home" or anything like that because nothing in this life is guaranteed. if i were to not return i would not want the last thing i say to my children to be a lie, even if it were unintentional. when henry asked this i simply responded with, "i hope not." i told him that if i were killed for telling people about Jesus then it would be a great way to go and that no matter what he would have to trust that God had not forgotten me. he then went on to ask me what would happen if my plane crashed in the water. in my head i was thinking, "wow this is a really morbid conversation." i again told him that i hoped that would not happen but if it did he would have to trust that God is good all the time. to which he replied, "all the time God is good."

it is hard to go and yet so very exciting at the same time! i know it is an adventure of a lifetime. it is an opportunity to live out what God put in my heart long ago. it is a chance to see people, in much different circumstances than i, coming to a saving knowledge of Christ. it is a chance to bring physical relief to people in pain. it is a change to see first hand what God is doing in the lives of the peruvian people. it is a chance to take part in a work that God is doing. it is a chance to see that life is not just about me or my little corner of the world.

Lord, You are greater and more mighty than i can even imagine. Your hand has stretched out further than i can fathom. You have invited me to take part in Your work and so here i am. break me. change me. mold me into the vessel You created me to be.

not quite the day i had expected...

2010-10-22T21:04:00.001-07:00

http://www.kold.com/Global/story.asp?S=13372845

this morning the kids and i prepared for the day. henry dressed for school and recited 1 corinthians 13 which he would recite at speech meet shortly after the school day got started.

after dropping him off i found a parking space and began the lengthy process of unloading the three girls, pulling out the stroller and making sure we had the diaper bag, the snack bag and my purse. all things were accounted for and so we began heading across the parking lot to the other property where speech meet would take place.

one of henry's classmate's little sister, embry, was hanging out with daphne and anna and so we told her to ask her mom and dad if she could head over to the other side with us. with their permission we again headed toward the other building. at the edge of the school's drive i told the girls to stop so we could make sure it was safe. (this is standard protocol for us.) a car was approaching from the right and another car was coming to the exit drive across the street. the approaching car stopped in the road and waved us across but before going i looked to the driver across from us. he looked up at us and then stopped his van. with this i understood it to mean we could proceed and so we did. when we had reached half way across the street the gentleman began turning left right towards the girls and me. i had noticed his window was down before crossing street. when he began turning into us i began screaming, "stop! stop! no! no!"

embry was hit first and his front drivers wheel ran over her and then he hit our daphne who was pushed to the ground. i turned and could see daph was not pinned or seriously injured but embry was partially under the man's vehicle. without thinking, i pulled her out from under the car and the man said, "i'm sorry. i'm sorry" i just replied, "ok. could you pull over please." at this our friends, embry's parents, were there and i handed her over into her mother's arms. i went to daphne and just held on to her and asked another parent to take my two little girls in where my friend was waiting to see our big kids recite the selections for speech meet.

the shock and fear that i was experiencing rivals very little else. people began congregating around us calling 911 asking questions and praying. the prayerfulness of the people was amazing. as i stood shaking and crying i could see people stopping and praying. at one point i looked up and saw standing there in his white starched shirt, our friend, tom askew. i could see that he was praying. he was a source of strength and calm for me mentally.

fire trucks, two ambulances and a couple of sheriff's deputies arrived on the scene and began assessing the girls. it was evident that embry was more serious and so they began loading her in the ambulance. they assessed daph and determined she needed to go to the er as well to be on the safe side.

all this was happening and i was being asked a ton of questions and giving the officers all the info i had and then i look up and there across the way is the gentleman that had been driving. my heart was broken for embry and for her family and my heart was aching for my family but my heart was so broken for this man as well. he never even saw our girls. he didn't do it on purpose. this man is paralyzed from the waist down from an accident years ago and he is a grandfather. this was breaking his heart.

we went to the hospital and daph was in shock for a while. her injuries were so very minor. she has a bruise on her hip and a scrape on her elbow. our little friend was taken to a different hospital and after a long day she left the hospital with no internal injuries, no broken bones and 13 stitches to her knee. our mighty God protected our girls this morning.
i love our school family for many reasons but i found another reason this morning. in light of a very scary and serious accident the parents first response was to pray and then to comfort all involved. it was a place where i saw and i experienced grace. none of these responses were generated by these people but rather from Christ, our Cornerstone. John 13:35 says, "by this all men will know that you are my disciples- if you love one another."

please pray for the man who was driving that he might know and feel the grace of God in this traumatic experience. pray for me and ross to have an opportunity to express our love to him and his wife. pray for embry to heal physically. pray for daphne, anna, ramey and embry to heal emotionally as any fear could surface days or weeks from now. pray for me as i struggle with having been the one who was caring for e along with my own girls.

tonight, hug your babies a little tighter for we do not know what tomorrow will bring.

now these things remain: faith, hope and love but the greatest of these is love.

10 things i love about you...

2010-07-13T15:14:00.000-07:00

10. i love that when you suck your thumb you have
to hold your foot. you rub that big toe along the
edge of your lip and that is just how you roll.

9. i love how you wrap your little arms around my
neck when i hold you and you squeeze so tight
like you just don't ever want to let go.

8. i love that when asked a question you whisper your answer.
the older you get the less you do this but when
the big kids are not around you go back to your sweet little whisper.

7. i love it when i am holding you and you are
sucking your thumb- you
reach and pull my face right
up to yours as if to snuggle for a brief moment.

6. i love that you are an adventurer. too many times than i
would like to admit i have come into the kitchen only to find you
standing in the middle of the kitchen table.

5. i love that you are ALWAYS asking me "where's ____?" and "why?"
you are in a constant pursuit of learning!

4. i love that you start dancing when you hear music.

3. i love that as we drove past the gelato shop today
you began happily yelling, "ice ceam shop! ice ceam shop!"

2. i love that you seem to think taco tongue is a great way to greet others.

1. i love that God put you right here in our arms to love!

there's a first time for everything...

2010-06-28T07:18:00.000-07:00

he's off! yesterday morning our boy headed off to camp. he was so excited when i woke him up at 5:30am that he jumped out of bed and threw on his traveling clothes and was ready in minutes.
once we arrived at the drop off spot i think his nerves began to settle on him. he got real quiet and he stayed pretty close by. daphne did the same. even though they can bicker like an old married couple, they really do love each other a ton. while we were waiting to load the bus i watched daphne go over and just lay her head on henry's chest and he just wrapped his arm around her and set his head on top of her head. i am so very thankful to have been able to see this sweet moment between them.

i hopped on the bus with him just so i could get him settled in and of course love on him a bit more. he found his seat right over the back wheel with a tv in perfect viewing location and got his backpack just right so that he could grab a snack or two during the drive. (before they even pulled out of the parking lot i could see him chomping down on some beef jerky...it was only 7am!)
henry and john have gotten to be pretty good buddies these days. we enjoy having john around and were so excited that he was coming to camp too! as i was getting off the bus i heard a little girl say, "henry, john wants to sit with you, okay?" henry was pumped and john grabbed his backback and that was the beginning of his camp experience!

this morning i received an email from another mom who was just checking in to make sure i was doing alright and she told me about being able to see pics of the kids on the camp website. i immediately went to the site and found this one of my boy. it was so nice to see his face and to see a smile on it!

oh how i miss him and it's only been 24 hours. not being ale to talk to him i think is the hardest part of it all. i have always checked in when i have traveled but it will be 5 days of not hearing his voice.

i have already planned what i will fix him for dinner upon his return at week's end. i have made sure his room is clean and vacuumed his floors and washed his favorite blanket. is this what sending them off to college is like? is this what it is like to let them grow up and be independent? it's not for the faint of heart! praise God for an opportunity to do this now so that i am not a complete and total wreck when he leaves home for college.

Lord, this adventure sure is reminding me that he is on loan to us from You, the Lender. it is good to be reminded that he is not mine alone. i know that you love henry more than i can imagine and i rest in knowing that You have Your eye on him. take care of our boy today and grow his little heart into one that knows, loves and follows You all the days of his life.

he just has heaven before we do...

2010-03-04T19:15:00.000-08:00

seven years! i am just amazed at how quickly the time has gone by. ross said today, "it still hurts after seven years." i think to some extent i, too, am surprised at the sorrow that is still there. i guess since God created us to live eternally the sadness over death is evidence of His design.

today was a little harder than last year for me. i'm not quite sure why but it was. when i woke up this morning i began to pray for God's grace to pour out over the day. then my iphone let me know i had a text waiting. it was my sweet and very dear friend, allison. she started my day off with a sweet note remembering ollie's birthday. it means so very much to me when ollie is remembered. then throughout the day people wrote on my facebook remembering ollie. many of those people i thought had probably forgotten him.

many people over the last seven years have asked me what to do for a family who have had a child die. i say the same things every time. 1) be willing to cry with them 2) always call the child by name because a mom's biggest fear is that her child will be forgotten

tonight we celebrated ollie's little life with a family birthday party. ross even made a chocolate cake! once we put the kiddos to bed we began to look through the scrapbook i made of ollie's story.

the day he was born was a whirlwind to us. we talked tonight about how surreal it all seemed. because we weren't expecting to deliver him that evening we did not have our camera with us. ross had to run down to the gift shop to buy a disposable camera. unfortunately that means we did not get any good pictures from his time with us. oh how i am sad over that. i wish i had known about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (an organization of professional photographers who give their services to families like ours and they capture photos of the final moments or moments shortly after the death of a child for families who desire). tonight as we looked at the few pictures we have of our precious little guy i cried over not having a picture i could frame. if any of you know how to use photoshop well and want to take a crack at editing one of our pictures i would be grateful.

i did think that i would share with you my journaling from the scrapbook so you can share that day with us. so just as his little tombstone says "to God be the glory".

I would do it all again. In my 24th week of pregnancy Dr. Gore informed us that our son was suffering from Nonimmune Hydrops Fetalis. This meant that fluid was accumulating throughout his tiny body. At a follow-up appointment with a perinatalogist in Ft. Worth two weeks later we were told that Ollie was in distress and needed to be delivered by cesarean section immediately. As I lay on the operating table with tears in my eyes I told the Lord that Ollie was His gift to me and if it be His will then I would let him go. At 7:56pm, 25 minutes after he was born, Oliver Thomas met Jesus face to face. I have never felt such sadness and such peace in the same moment. Ollie stayed for only a short time but his memory in our hearts will stay for a lifetime.

Once the doctors had done all that they could do for ollie, we were able to finally hold him in our arms. His body was still warm and his fave was still pink. As we held him his little body twitched and when we asked if there was still a chance the nurse told us it was just his muscles starting to relax. the fluid that had been in him was beginning to drip from his sweet nose and mouth. Because of that Ross and I were able to do a parental chore that we never thought we would do for Ollie. We wiped his nose. I am so thankful to have been able to do that for him.

After a while of holding him we bathed him. What I do remember is leaning over and kissing his little hand. His skin was soft on my lips and his hair was strawberry blonde. His second toe was longer than the first and he had a cleft in his chin like me. He was beautiful!

The nurses at the hospital wanted to make a plaster mold of ollie's feet for us so they took him to the nursery for a short time. It was then that many of our friends came to be with us. When the nurse brought ollie back to us my friend Krissy did not walk away. She stood next to me and cried with me and touched his skin. Words cannot express what her actions meant to me that night.

When we had been told that ollie was going to be born that day we had called family immediately. My sister, Keesha, dropped everything to be by our side through whatever outcome we faced. At 11pm she walked in the doors of my hospital room and met her nephew that she had been praying for from the beginning. She held him in her arms like he was one of her own. After our friends had gone and i had been moved to a new room Keesha reminded us to take a picture of Ollie's precious feet. That is one of my most favorite pictures of him!

At 1am Ollie's skin was much cooler and his color had changed from pink to blue and we knew it was time to say goodbye. We each held him and then as the nurse came in to take him I kissed his precious fave one last time. I did not want to say goodbye but I pray that I never forget the way his skin felt on my lips in that moment.

Keesha stayed with us that night. There in that hospital room the three of us did a lot of crying and a lot of laughing! Praise God for laughter! Over the next few days Keesha took care of Henry and our home. She even helped Ross make the funeral arrangements. God sent Ross some angels during those days in the hospital and He sent me one in my sister.
His Obituary
Oliver Thomas Newman, infant son of Mandy and Ross Newman, died Tuesday, March 4, 2003. A graveside service will be at 2:30pm Saturday, March 8. Judd Rumley will officiate. Survivors include his parents; one brother, Henry Jacob Newman; grandparents, Lynda and Larry Newman and Julia and RW Ramey; and great grandparents, Claude Newman, Carol and Alan Robbins and Billie and Bill Windham. Mulkey Mason Jack Schmitz and Son Funeral Home is in charge of arrangements.

there you have it. there are many other written pieces in his scrapbook. emails i sent out when we first learned of his condition and prognosis, emails from family and friends who were praying for us and cards and letters of sympathy. this book is a treasure i am so very thankful to have and to share with those who have asked to see it. ollie's life has left a legacy farther reaching than what we thought 25 minutes would leave.

thank you, Lord for 27 weeks of carrying ollie and for the 25 minutes of life you gave him. we praise you for the work You have done and continue to do through his little life and we thank you for loving him. would you hold him in your arms until we can? to You be the glory! Amen

i would make a great ostrich...

2010-01-26T10:54:00.000-08:00

habits that get broken can be some of the hardest to start again no matter how much we might want to.

example- i have continued to workout 4 times a week for the last 7 months but about a month and a half ago i began running on my off days. i suffered severe shin splints but pushed right on through. about 3 weeks ago i finally got a new pair of running shoes and my shins are significantly better now but i did take a break from running on off days for the last 2 weeks. today i need to run and yet i just don't want to. for no other reason than....i don't even know...broken habit.

blogging would be another one of those things that i have gotten out of the habit of doing. i miss it! i enjoy writing down some of the adventures we face or just some of the mundane details of life not so much for any person but really for me. it's like verbal scrapbooking.

here's the thing i would love to avoid facing many issues in life...for many reasons. i know struggle is exhausting mentally and emotionally and to be real honest i am mentally exhausted by just doing the laundry for six people. i also would love to live in fantasy land where everything goes smoothly and easily. (are you catching on to why i title this blog "i would make a great ostrich"?) i am out of the habit of weighing in at aquatica and being accountable to someone regarding my progress. if i don't know what the scale says then there is no measure of my failure. all of this to say that there are some areas in my heart and life that God is dealing with me. some areas that He is refining and some areas He is pruning.

as of late i have taken on a role within a group that i am involved that requires me to deal with people who have their own ideas and plans...i am a mom to four little people who still let me tell them what to do and how to do it. i have gotten out of the habit of interacting with people who don't see things eye to eye with me. this causes me stress. if you know me then you know that i tend to face conflict head on but something has happened over the last few years...i struggle with conflict. (fyi- my husband my find that as a surprise.) i don't want to cause problems. i am having to really take time to practice listening. yes- i do believe that may be the key to avoiding conflict...listening to the other person. i'll let you know how that goes.

we also are facing another adventure... we rent our home from a rental agency here and we have just learned that the homeowner has not been able to pay their mortgage. what this means is that the bank is foreclosing on this house. in about 6 weeks this house is scheduled for auction. this is such a bummer. we really love our house and feel as though it is the size we need for our family. in the very near future we will be moving most likely unless God blesses us with a miracle. pray for us to trust His sovereignty in all the details of this adventure.

in other news... daphne knocked out her other front tooth. yep that's right...she has successfully knocked out both her front teeth in 3 years. good thing she is so stinkin cute!! she doesn't need those front teeth....at least not yet. daph has her kindergarten screening set for tomorrow and she has now decided that after swim team season this summer she would like to take a break from dance and give soccer a try. i am excited that she wants to try something new and totally different but a little sad that our time with dance may be coming to a close. time and experience will tell.

ramey finally hit 20lbs! this is exciting for us all. she is really growing up into quite a newman kiddo. cute & spicy at the same time!! she adores her big sister anna. pretty much the first things she says in the mornings when i get her out of bed are "eat" and "heado anna". her language development is exploding!! i love to hear her talk. she is a whisperer meaning that when she talks she usually whispers whatever she is trying to say. it is precious! some of her other favorite words/phrases are "night night evbody", "bruder henry", "mo bible" and "hi otis".

anna continues to humble me. i do struggle with this little one and yet find deep joy in her as well. she is passionate in all things. when she laughs she means it. when she loves on you it is with all of her heart. when she feels injustice she holds nothing back. she is also a watcher of people. she will engage others once she feels comfortable but prefers to watch the action. at home...not so much- but that does stand true when we are out and about. she still loves being outside running, playing, riding bikes. i wish we had a place for a garden because i am almost positive she (and all the kids) would love to build, plant and cultivate something.

henry is growing into a fine young man. he is really fun to be around these days. i truly enjoy my time with him. he makes me laugh! he's signed up for another season of baseball and swim team is just around the corner. i continue to pray that he will become a servant leader in all that he is involved in. a couple of weeks ago his class preformed a mini play about the life of martin luther king jr. henry played the part of martin as a boy. at one point in the play martin is broken hearted because his playmates(some white boys) would no longer play with him because they were told not to by their parents. when henry was reciting his lines he was very emotional at this point and i found myself so very thankful for the heart God has given him. henry loves people. he sees them just as we all ought to...made in the image of our Creator.

i will work on getting some pictures uploaded from my camera because i know that is what you all would prefer to see instead of read my ramblings but for know this is the update from our little corner of the planet.

one more...

2010-01-14T10:13:00.000-08:00

here i am at about a year and a half...maybe 2. if you notice my right index finger looks shiny. i had evidently i put my hand up against a hot humidifier and burned my hands. what a great smile!

retwo week...

2010-01-14T10:03:00.000-08:00

so this week is retro week on facebook. i only have these pictures from when i was a kid. that makes me very sad because i just take such delight in looking at the pictures of our kids from over the last eight years. i am so thankful to atleast have these to share with my kids. in fact the months before ramey was born i began working on a scrapbook that was all about me. things i love, things i don't. quirks & habits. the way i met Jesus. how ross & i met. chores i do around the house and then a little something about being mom to each of the kids. i really enjoyed sharing these pictures in the album because strangely enough i think that at each age there really is a little bit of me in each of my kids. that brings me such joy. if you see them most say they look just like their daddy which i do agree with but then i see these pictures and i see me too.
me at about 4 trying our my new strawberry shortcake bicycle with banana seat i should add!

here i am at 10 months old...i think trouble might have been my parents second choice for a middle name.

here i am in kindergarten with a horrid bowl cut and velour shirt. i was so mad that morning when my mom made me where this and curl my hair under. these days this kind of hair is cool for preteen boys. i was a trend setter...what can i say!

two months old.
n
this is me at 3. i love this one. wish it wasn't cut in an oval (darn early scrapbooking).

december highlights...

2009-12-27T21:04:00.000-08:00

well another month has passed with not a thought recorded here on my blog. ugh! it would be so much more efficient if my thought process could just be uploaded to the blog whenever i felt it would be fitting.

let's see... this month has been packed with all kinds of fun. we celebrated henry's 8th birthday! wow, where have the years gone. it really does feel like only a couple of years have passed since he arrived. i can still close my eyes and be right back in that hospital room laboring with a great excitement for what was ahead. the Lord has changed me in so many ways through henry's life. i have learned my desperate need for dependence on the Lord in all things. i have learned more about dying to self. i have learned that a kind word turns away wrath. i have learned the God delights in His children! those things don't even scratch the surface of what i have learned in the last eight years. i am so blessed to be this kid's mom!! he really is the greatest boy i know.
this month also included daphne learning to ride her bicycle sans training wheels. this was somewhat of a surprise to us. one day she told us she wanted to take the training wheels off which she has tried before about a month ago but today something clicked for her! she did it. and can i just say that she is one tough cookie!! i can't tell you how many times henry would eat the pavement and justifiably cry like a baby...you remember what skinned knees feels like. not daphne. she just gets up and tries again.

thankful for so very much...

2009-11-29T19:59:00.000-08:00

this month has been so full!! we have enjoyed so many things and had lots of fun!

at the end of october henry qualified to participate in the regional speech meet. what this means is that out of all the second graders at his school he was one of four that scored high enough to move on to basically a statewide competition. on the 13th ross and i went with him and watched our boy stand before a table of judges and a group of about 40 people. he recited psalm 1 and did FABULOUS!!! he ranked superior- which meant he was awarded a blue ribbon! we were so incredibly proud of him!!
we celebrated my 32nd birthday and ross was wonderfully amazing to me once again! he gave me a much needed new camera. back in august my camera was flooded by a kid's water bottle thrown in a bag so all i have had in the mean time was my camera phone. i am anxious to learn how to use my new camera to its fullest...so those of you with great camera skills...tell me your secrets!!! PLEASE!!!

our family, the newman portion, has grown to 17!! that's right, 17! there are tons of kids on this side of the family so for christmas ross and i decided to give a photo shoot and pictures to the family. our friend, jenna, came out and captured some great shots for us. of course not everyone looks great and kids aren't looking at the camera in some but the reality is that this is where we are in life. years from now everyone will stand still and look at the camera but for now we will enjoy this stage.

after leaving the family photo shoot ross and i made a quick change and headed back out the door to my aquatica's first annual little black dress party. this was an event we planned to celebrate some of our first goals and really just a great opportunity to dress up and party! we had so much fun and we all looked beautiful! (everyone in black is a participant and our coach is in the white shirt)
to top off the month one of my sisters and her family drove all the way here from texas to spend thanksgiving with us. we were so excited when they suggested the plan even if they could only stay for a day and a half! their family of 5 arrived late afternoon on thursday and we ate like royalty! we spent the evening laughing and enjoying one another as if we had just been together the week before. i am so thankful each time we are together because God graciously allows our families to get along and to allow no evidence of time passed or the distance in miles between us.

on friday of their trip i took keesha and eric with me to aquatica. they felt it saturday morning! once we were home we loaded up and headed to the catalinas for a hike up the panatoc trail. we had an amazing time despite the complaints of the under 5s. henry and chloe took off leading the way most of the time. i have said it before and i will say it again- henry shines out there on the mountains! when anna and lily could take no more ross & eric hiked back down with them while keesha and i caught up with the big kids. this picture cracks me up!! lily is sticking her tongue out at a cactus she just bumped into to. no harm done just hurt feelings.
they are exhausted and in need of a potty break but tried to humor me with a quick picture.
or two!

today we enjoyed a family adventure once again. ross and i took the kids to a place called karchner caverns. it was so beautiful! there were all kinds of geologic structures to see and learn about. in fact at one point as the docent was explaing how the stalactites, stalagmites, soda straws and drapery were formed i smiled as i thought about God's artistry and creativity. for the man explaining everything you could hear his excitement as he talked about the co2 and all the other components. i thought about how God reveals Himself to us in such personal ways. i began praying that the docent might meet God in that cavern.

the room we were in was called the throne room. our docent pointed out some helocites, i think that's what they were called, that were no longer doing what they were doing in another potion of the cave but rather bent over in the direction of the "throne room". whatever explanantion he gave i did not hear much of...only enough to hear something about a breeze but what i thought of was how every knee will one day bow down before the Throne. this was just God's story illustrated in a cave.
so there you have our month. lots of adventure, lots of fun!

change...

2009-10-20T15:46:00.000-07:00

here it is mid october and the weather is still in the upper 80s here in the desert. today was extraordinarily beautiful...blue skies, a few clouds, sun shining and a warm breeze. you know the weather- cool enough to wear jeans and shirt with sleeves rolled up.

after picking up the two middle girls at school on tuesdays we only have about an hour before picking up henry. there is no point in driving all the way back to the house so we can be there for 15 minutes just to get back in the car to pick him up. (this is one of those areas that i envy you wonderful women in my life who homeschool!)

so with an hour to fill we headed over to AJs, a nice grocery store here in town, for a free cookie for the girls and an ice tea for me. i don't know if it was the fact that we were not in a hurry for a change or if it was that we had an hour but we got the cookies and tea and walked out into a beautiful half hour of just pure delight. we walked slowly and looked at all the fall decorations. we threw pennies in the water fountain and then just stood there for a few minutes. we walked into one of my favorite stores and enjoyed seeing the thanksgiving table decor that i would so love to put on my own table. nothing but a slow paced-no agenda half hour...it was good. so good! (now that i have written this i am wondering if maybe the fact that two out of three kids were in a stroller may have been a huge contributing factor to the calm as well.)

after we loaded back into the car and headed over to the school i began processing the whys of such a peaceful bit of the day. as i said before there were probably several contributing factors but one that stood out to me was the weather.

a common ice breaker question is, "what is your favorite season?". my answer to that is always fall...until someone else answers and gives their reasoning. what i realized today is that i love all the seasons (in moderation re: arizona summers) but more than the season, i love the changing of seasons. it is like a rebirth of sorts. i find that with the dawning of a new season there is hope for change in my own life. i am a sucker for school supply season and for the spring color options for kitchen aid mixers in the william-sonoma window. store shelves with scarves or winter hats and sunscreen usher in more of the same- hope for change and newness.

so there you have it- my favorite season is the changing season!

Lord, You are the Author of hope and i praise You for it! because of the cross i have hope and i thank you for letting me see that with the change of the season hope can be see there too. thank you for showing Yourself to me today in the stillness of that one half hour!

iphone pics...

2009-09-26T14:44:00.000-07:00

over the last several months i have enjoyed having my iphone on hand to capture those moments that will not ever be repeated...at least not in a genuine fashion. now these pics are not in chronological order by any means but who cares...this isn't the scrapbook!

here are my two middle girls headed into pre school for their first day. daphne loves school and so it was sweet to watch her lead her baby sister into class. anna is loving it!

many people have asked what is it like having four kids. here is a glimpse. while i was fixing dinner ross and all four of the munchkins sat together to read a book. i loved this moment in time...it is exactly what i hoped for!

these girls bring such joy and laughter to our family each in there own way! this was a trip to the zoo and they were just waiting on the wall for our friends to arrive. i pray they will grow a strong friendship with one another in the years ahead.

i may have posted this picture before but this captures our anna. most mornings she is up by 5:45am dressed and spending some quiet time by herself or with our dog, otis. on this morning she had let him outside and pulled up a chair next to him to watch the morning arrive.

for some reason i thought it would be fun to get anna her first hair cut. we went with a cute little bob and yes it is cute but i am still not sure why i cut off those curls! silly me, adorable her!

here's our henry covered in shaving cream. for the end of the year swim team party they had a huge shaving cream fight. he didn't hesitate to join this chaos!!

now this is why i have an iphone! here we are in old navy one day and while we were in line anna finds these boots. often times i would tell her not to do this and to come stand next to me but in a rare moment of delight and enjoyment i let her waddle around in these GIANT rain boots. she's adorable and it was just plain fun for a few minutes for all of us.

here's my precious husband and his two eldest. i love how ross loves all of us. he gives of himself all the time...i really mean all the time. these kids have such a great example of a husband and daddy and i praise God for that all the time!

this is an arizona sunset. sadly i have grown to take them for granted all too often but not on this day. it was breath taking as most of them are. the sky here is more beautiful than anywhere i have ever been...pure and beautiful.

girl's night out for daph and i! i got my hair done and so did she. there truly is a difference between super cuts and the salon and the price difference wasn't too bad either. we followed up our hair appointments with sauce and frost (for you non tucsonans- pizza and gellato).

just last weekend i took henry & daphne to see cloudy with a chance of meatballs in 3D. we had a blast!! i love taking them to the movies. i am looking forward to toy story and toy story 2 next weekend.

so there you have one more little peak into our world.

Lord, you have so richly blessed me with our little 6-some. Lord, help me to instill in our children a love for our family both near and far. i pray they learn, through word and example, how to enjoy the little things time and time again and i pray we would glorify You by enjoying You forever.

family, car pool and chores- oh my...

2009-09-20T12:51:00.000-07:00

i can't believe it has been almost 3 months since i posted anything on here! ugh!! it drives me crazy that i have let that happen.

much has gone on around here so i think i will catch you all up via pictures.

after ramey's birthday we took a mini vacation up to a resort in phoenix with the gooding family. we all had a great time enjoying our time by the pool! definitely a must for next summer!

the kids were packed and ready to go by 7:30 am...estimated time of departure = 9am

anna didn't want to be in this pic but here is ross and 3 of the 4 heading to the pool!anna did enjoy being in the water- especially if she could snag ramey's float.vacations are something to get excited about!

alan and allison getting a couple of minutes to themselves!

me & my girl!

anna, me & hj

swim team was such fun this year!!
henry improved 10 fold this year with his swimming. by championships he placed 4th overall in backstroke, his favorite stroke!

henry & his buddy kody
connor, henry, alia and callie
some days cookies are a must!
ramey loves to feed herself! weighing in at 17lbs at 12 months we've had to find foods to fatten her up...today- black beans, cheese and avacados
in july we went a tucson toros game with uncle tod, aunt cat and zach. the kids had a great time!!CYT is a youth theater group that henry and some of his friends enjoyed over the summer. for one week a ton of kids gathered on the UofA campus and by friday they put on a production of the Lion King.
henry was part of the chorus but had a one line solo!
we took a big trip to texas right before school started. we drove to denton first to see friends and to stop by ollie's grave. this is our first picture of our 5 kiddos!once we left denton, having seen krissy and the carbajal family we headed south for a week at the beach. it was much needed time in the sand.

while at the beach i actually got to see two of my friends from my younger years! i have known allison and kristen since elementary and jr. high. funny thing was- kristen and her family were staying about a block away so we caught up with her and then allison and 2 of 3 of her boys drove down for the day just to hang out with us! it was such a treasure to see both of these girls!while on our beach trip, the first day, i put my camera in the beach bag to protect it but somehow a water bottle that didn't get closed all the way ended up in the bag and poured out all over my camera. ugh!!! so for now i can only use my iphone. i am hopeful to get a new camera for my birthday/christmas gift this year!

once we got home from the beach it was time to start school again! henry started second grade, daph started pre k and anna is enjoying her first year of pre school.

born on august 12th, baby hannah catherine joined our family! i was so blessed to hold her before she spent the next week and a half in the nicu. all is well and she is wonderfully healthy and settling in at home with mom, dad and big brother, zach.there are still more pictures to share, the girls start to school and anna's bday but for now i need to get some sleep! hope you enjoy the overview of the past few months and i hope to not be so far behind next time!

we partied hard...

2009-06-13T21:04:00.001-07:00

a year of mercy, grace and provision...

2009-06-12T07:02:00.000-07:00

a year ago this morning our precious baby girl was born. ramey caroline, 7lbs 9oz. (4 wks early), 19 inches. in that moment our lives were forever changed. not because we now had four kids but because in a matter of minutes everything would be flipped upside down.

here is her first year in pictures!

it's a girl!

July 2008

August 2008

September 2008

October 2008

November 2008

December 2008

January 2009

February 2009

March 2009

April 2009

May 2009

After today you will get the 1yr picture of our ramey caroline, who by human standards had a 10% chance of survival one year ago today and yet by God's great mercy, grace and provision she is with us now!! happy birthday, ramey caroline!

if you want to go back and read the adventure of ramey's birth then just click on the link to your right for june of 2008. may you see the greatness of our God in our story.

oh Lord, we praise you today and everyday for the breath of life you breathed into ramey last year. thank you for your yes!

daphne's dance recital...

2009-06-05T10:37:00.000-07:00

yesterday was a wild a crazy day for us. our normally scheduled programming was not available but will return today.

daphne's second dance recital was last night and so that meant a crazy morning for dress rehearsal. now i don't know if you remember but last year was a bit of a challenge for me when it came to putting her hair in a bun. i am pretty sure i use the word "shellac" many times in that post. this year was not as daunting but still an adventure. you see, she needed to be fully dressed, with costume and makeup and hair at noon for dress rehearsal and the actual recital was not even to begin until 7pm. that's right- somehow i needed to do her hair and then try to get her not to mess it up before 7 so that i would not have to do it again. we succeeded and she looked beautiful!!not sure why she wanted to pose like this but she still looked so cute i just had to include it!

our resident goofball!! such a movie star!

at the bottom of this post is the video of daphne's recital. she is the third from the left and she's on the back row.

daphne has enjoyed her year at dance but i do think she really missed her little friend ellie. as we dressed yesterday she said, "mom, i wish ellie was here with me. we did our recital together last year."

during daph's recital henry actually had a swim meet. i don't know anything official for his 3 races but i heard from more than one source that he came in 2nd on his backstroke!! he is really doing well. i am going to try to get some better pics of him swimming but for now here is one from the other day while the girls were doing their lessons.

snap circuits are the coolest...

2009-06-03T11:54:00.000-07:00

i must tell you that snap circuits are the neatest thing i have seen in a long time!! today is our science project day and my friend abby let us borrow this cool toy. basically there is a booklet with over 300 circuit projects that the kids can build. henry and daphne are on project number 6 and they have already built a switch circuit, a direct current motor & swith, a sound activator switch , used resistance and saw how it can lower sound, a lamp & fan series and a lamp & fan in parallel. this is fun for me too!! this is definitely going on the birthday/christmas list...theirs not mine though i will play too.

it's only been five days...

2009-06-02T12:13:00.000-07:00

look at me go... it's only been five days since my last post and i am at it again!!!

this weekend ross and i took on a little project. in our house there is this strange 48" empty space in the kitchen where i would assume a built in desk would go but that must have been an upgrade that the original owners did not go for. for the last year i have had our wine cabinet there but never really liked it in that spot.

i've wanted a desk there but i wanted something kinda old that i could fix up. i have been looking on craigs list and last week i found an old desk for $20. i figured some sanding and paint would really bring this thing to life...i was right. i love my new red desk in the kitchen!

on the subject of summer break...the first few days were rough to say the least but yesterday i sat down and typed up a schedule, or maybe i should call it, an outline for our days. you know:

6am up, dress, feed
7am swim team practice/lessons
10am chores
11am free play
etc., etc., etc.

i even included special things for each day of the week. monday we cook something together, tuesdays we do an art project, wednesdays are science days, thursdays are our ministry day- meaning we do something for someone outside of our family- like bake cookies, write letters to soldiers and missionaries and then friday is "anything goes" day.

well yesterday we cooked...sort of. we dipped pretzels in white chocolate and then poured sprinkles on top. they had a blast! i actually enjoyed it too. when i am intentional then i am not as quick to get aggravated at the mess.
today was art day...if you know me at all then you know that i am not really an artist. i am a doodler. that being said we pulled up some examples of pointillism and talked about. we stood close to the picture and then far away and talked about what the differences were. it was really need to hear their observations. we then got out paper and markers and tried doing our own pointillism pictures. henry and daphne both seemed to enjoy trying something new which was worth it to me.
after we had been working on our pictures for a bit anna wandered off to our room only to curl up on the floor and fall asleep. daphne grew tired of pointillism and so began to draw instead. this led to our first ever picture of non other than a porta potty. yes that's right people...my daughter drew a purple porta potty (try saying that ten times fast).
so there you have it- our week. we have had a great day. an intentional day. a fun day! i am thankful for each of my little knuckleheads and for the time we have together.

Lord, i thank You for every moment of today. for the way Your mercies are new every morning for each of us. thank you for hearing my cry and shining light in the dark places of my heart so that truth can land there, take root and bear fruit. this is the day You have made and i will rejoice and be glad in it!!

may musings...

2009-05-28T15:12:00.000-07:00

henry: "mom you aren't funny anymore. stop trying to make me laugh."

we have had a busy month...i can't believe a whole month has gone by and i have not posted anything on here. henry finished up his baseball season, started his swim season, daphne finished up preschool, we finished awanas, henry finished first grade, we got a puppy, anna is potty training (so is the dog), ramey is almost done with formula and bottles...and this is only the beginning of summer!

in many ways i am so glad it is summer break. i always look forward to having the kids home and not having a crazy busy schedule and then on the other hand it is a bit overwhelming to have them all home. they are struggling this week to play well with one another and i am constantly praying that i would be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

so far some of the activities we are going to tackle are: building and activating a volcano, playing in a pool of cooked spaghetti noodles, watercolor painting, reading, reading, and more reading, playing games and swimming till our hair is green (no not really but lots of swimming). okay, as i type out this list i get excited to play with the kids!! i must get off this thing and go enjoy just being with them.

just in case anyone still reads this thing...

2009-04-17T13:37:00.000-07:00

i know, i know. it has been so long since i have updated this thing! i really do miss blogging but to be real honest...i am so stinking exhausted by day's end i just can't seem to get on here and update it.

i also have decided that on many levels facebook is so much easier to keep connected to people. however, there are still many of my family and friends who are not facebookers and/or would like to hear the stories behind the pictures. that is precisely why i love to blog and to read blogs... i love to read the stories and the details of people's lives. so, just in case any of you still read this thing- my apologies for the hibernating.

much has been going on around here. we are enjoying the spring in the desert and all the fun that can be had during these months. here is what we've been up to this month-

it's baseball season!! this is henry's first year of coach pitch baseball and he is doing pretty well. in fact, today our boy hit his first home run and got the play at second for the third out!! i was so excited for him i cried.

ross' mom, grandma and i took daphne to a tea room here in town for an afternoon tea. it was so girly and so sweet. daphne picked out a frilly dress. daphne had a strawberry and creme tea sandwich with hot cocoa and we had scones, tea sandwiches and wonderful teas. i am looking forward to taking her there again!
Easter morning was very sweet. we awoke to "He is risen!" the kids, a week later, are still exclaiming "He is Risen. He is Risen, Indeed!" i am so glad they know that Easter is not about the egg hunt.

we do love a good egg hunt too. on Easter eve the kids dyed eggs and did a really great job. we made our own dye this year so we were able to choose what colors we wanted. i don't think we will do purple again because it is more like a strange shade of grey.

all of ross' family came over for Easter dinner and an egg hunt. this is all the cousins (minus ramey who was taking a nap). i can remember as a kid going to my grandparent's house and hunting so many eggs that there was actually a map drawn up each year so that we could make sure all the eggs were found...back then we still hid hard boiled eggs.
anna's hair was getting crazy long and pretty scraggly. she hadn't had a haircut yet so yesterday that's just what we did. we cut her hair off! it is so short!! i'm still trying to recover a bit from the change but she sure looks adorable!! she looks just like daphne did at this age (but with both front teeth thus far).
finished product!!
here's our smiley 10 month old!! ramey is crawling, pulling up, trying to cruise and clapping. she is still the most precious little thing ever and i can't believe my baby girl is almost 1. oh what a year!!
though these two bicker quite a bit they still love with all of who they are. i know that it won't be long and these two girls will be best friends. anna adores her sister and i love to watch daphne love on anna.
we signed henry up for swim team and he started practice yesterday. so far he likes it. i will try to get pictures soon and post those too!

as for ross and i- we are trying to learn the intricate balancing act of time together (just us) and time as a family. someone said to him today that life is going to get really crazy over the next few years. though we know it is true we want to protect our family from the rat race as much as we can. tonight we are going on a date (we have FREE babysitting!!!). it is always nice to just be with my husband and to laugh together and not have to pause a conversation to correct behavior. dates (especially free ones) are few and far between so we will enjoy every minute tonight!

Lord, i praise for this season of life that we are in- no matter how crazy and hectic it is or will become. i pray that our lives would be a beautiful symphony written and directed by You.

a child's faith...

2009-02-26T08:42:00.000-08:00

this morning anna and i were sitting on the floor playing with a shape toy. the plus sign we have always called a cross. when we got to the cross here is our conversation.

anna: "this a cross"
me: "that's right, anna. who died on the cross?"
anna: "God did"
me: "why did Jesus die on the cross, anna?"
anna: "i have a bobo."

it's that simple. He loves us so much even with all our "bobos" that He died for us.

thank you, Lord for revealing yourself even to my anna. thank you for giving her something she could understand about your love and sacrifice. give us the wisdom to grow her knowledge of you so that she can follow you in faith all her days.

a few of the stories at a time....

2009-02-15T13:39:00.000-08:00

so i thought it might be fun to give some of the back stories on the things i admitted to doing on the previous post...don't worry i am not giving details on everything but i will for most.

#1 started my own blog- i started this blog back in december of 2006. as i said in the very first post my sister and i have have some crazy quota of words to say in a day and this is one avenue in which i can do that. this blog has also become a great way for me to capture many of my day to day joys and frustrations. writing and reading blogs is one of many little pleasures i enjoy.

#3 played ina band- i did not ever play in a band but i did play the vioin in elementary and middle school. i am not sure why i started in the 3rd grade but my first teacher had us hold macaroni and cheese boxes with paint sticks attached and i can't figure out why... she also had us lay on our backs on the floor to practice our posture. ms. drabowski was her name and she had a pitt bull. i remember the strangest things about people. in middle school i played in the orchestra so that i could go to a school that i was not zoned to attend. we played vivaldi's four seasons, memories and plenty of other pieces but i am pretty sure that i could not play that instrument now even if my life depended on it. i am not even sure how i did so well back then and if i had to do it all over again i think i would choose to play the cello...it seems so much more soulful and less whiny.

#7 been to disneyland/world- actually i have been to both. i did not go to disneyworld as a kid but rather at the age of 21. our family never did the "family vacation" thing and so as three married adults my sisters and i and our husbands plus our nephew, thompson, met at disneyworld for our first ever family vacation. we had a fabulous time and i think i was as in awe as any five year old there. **funny story** at epcot we were enjoying the different countries. while in mexico i had a margarita as we walked on to our next stop. i didn't really think about how dehydrated i was already and needless to say- i got pretty tipsy. once we got to germany i was sick as a dog and had the chance to visit a german bathroom. never again i tell you!!

#8 climbed a mountain- i have actually climbed a few. in high school on a younglife trip i climbed a mountain, we have climbed some here in tucson as well, i climbed one in colorado and another in northern california. henry loves to climb also. his leadership skills really come out when he on the mountain. he guides others and leads them with a gentle confidence. i am looking forward to climbing more soon but with four kids...we need a babysitter at least for the girls.

#10 sang a solo- i have sung two solos. my first was an absolute disaster. i was a freshman in college and i was singing a great song at church. i totally forgot the words and made an absolute fool out of myself. in the spring of that same year i did a solo for rez week in the mall area of our college. it was loud enough with all the students walking through that i am pretty sure no one paid any attention. i was not made to be a singer though i think i have this deep seeded desire to be one.

there are just a few stories. it has been fun to revisist some old times. in fact this week ross and i went through old pictures from ross' childhood and then our high school and middle school years. there was belly laughter going on over here! i can't wait to scan those pics in and let you all laugh till you cry.

have dones...

2009-01-18T19:48:00.000-08:00

here is a list i saw on a friend's blog of things she has done in her life thus far. i thought it was interesting so here's my list of have dones... (if it is bold then i have done it)

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (does an orchestra count?)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance (not me but two of my babies have been)
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (i've eaten one ross killed cleaned and had smoked by goode company bbq, though!)
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Lord, i pray that in every adventure you allow me to have i might be evermore in awe of you! thank you for what has been and what is to come.

9 things i am looking forward to in 2009...

2009-01-02T19:42:00.000-08:00

1. spending time and energy strengthening our marriage
2. gaining new effective and creative ways to raise up our children
3. lots of playtime outside- at the park, in the backyard, on bicycles, etc.
4. riding in the tour de tucson with henry ( only the short part)
5. a vacation to somewhere...anywhere!!
6. reading books for my own enjoyment
7. painting pottery with daphne
8. figuring out how to keep some kind of handle on all this laundry
9. following Jesus more nearly, loving Him more dearly and seeing Him more clearly (ok so that was three in one but i couldn't leave any one of them out)

2008 was a long and very hard year for me, for our family. i know that it is in times like those that i tend to grow most so i will look back and be thankful for this past year but oh how i look forward to the year ahead. i am looking ahead in hopes for a year of jubilee.

i often time feel like what i would imagine the israelites felt like...a wandering fool in hopes of the land flowing with milk and honey. i am ready for a milk and honey kind of year!! that's right, bring it on!!

i write all this coming off a day that particularly difficult. the kids were hard, i am still dog pedalling under a pile of dirty clothes (almost done), i feel like i am fighting fires non stop. i find myself daydreaming of curling up with the kids (all getting along mind you) with a huge pile of books and just reading or laying on our bellies on the floor and coloring with them. i dream of long bike rides with them or just searching out bugs to learn about. i feel like i am missing some great moments with the kids but i can't just let the house fall down around us either. i am struggling with balancing time with the kids and house chores. i resent the housework because it is keeping me from the kids and i get frustrated with the kids because i can't get the housework done. ugh! pray for me- what specifically you might ask- i don't know but pray for me.

on another note- i want to share a few pics from our christmas this year. we had a nice time and it was very low key which was nice. i think my favorite moment was on christmas day when the two little girls were down for naps and henry & daphne & i sat at the table, still in pjs, and we did perler beads and they painted by number. i cooked a couple a quick dishes to take with us to our family christmas celebration but really we did what my heart longs to be doing with them everyday.

here are just a few cute pics from our celebrations...this is from christmas eve. they all looked at the camera for about five different pictures!!

these next few are from christmas morning. daph got a bike and anna got a helmet. henry got superman and batman. all seemed right on christmas morning!

so there you have it...then end of one year and the beginning to the next! 3 out of 4 kids are asleep now so i think i will read a book...or maybe do more laundry...no read a book!

happy new year!

school christmas programs...

2008-12-22T14:42:00.000-08:00

you have to love school christmas programs. henry's school does a very nice program and this year was no exception!! the music teacher created a program that was so incredibly worshipful. here is henry's portion of the program. these kids are precious!! enjoy!

busy days...

2008-12-13T13:08:00.000-08:00

things have been crazy busy around here lately. too much so i must add!! i am ready for life to find a rhythm and stick with it. wishful thinking- i know.

we had originally planned to spend our thanksgiving at disneyland but with the five month layoff period we ended up staying here. there are a few things in life that i tend to hold sacred and i must say that the thanksgiving meal is one of them. it was so hard to "settle" for other people's food this year. don't get me wrong the food tasted fine- it just wasn't how my family does things. for instance i grew up with cornbread dressing and giblet gravy. none of that this year. i grew up with asparagus. not this year. again, i will say that the food was good just different. the kids and i did however get to make the pecan pie which turned out fabulous!
something else about not hosting thanksgiving is we didn't have any leftovers. i totally missed the late evening sliced turkey on white bread. because we didn't have turkey leftovers i cooked a turkey for our family. i can remember loving the leg of a turkey when i was a kid and sure enough our kids totally loved the legs. even anna needed something with a bone in it so she could be like the big kids.

it doesn't rain here too terribly often but when it does come it can be almost as exciting as snow in houston. the kids have always enjoyed playing in the rain and so this time they again asked and i said yes. i grabbed the camera so i could capture the fun.

if you cannot understand what daphne says in the beginning of the video she says, "thank you God for the rain!" i just love that she was praising Him in the midst of her play. oh how i pray she would praise Him in all things all her days.

my "no no no" at the end of the video was because they started knocking on the neighbors garage door rather loudly!

let's see...once thanksgiving was over we got out the Christmas decorations and got right to it. the kids once again made decorating the tree tons of fun! i loved listening to them try to tell the stories of each of the ornaments. our sweet family tree is looking exactly as i had once hoped- full of handmade angels with class picture faces, hand prints and glitter everywhere. i think next year will need a bigger tree so we can fit all these little treasures on the branches!

we've already made lots of Christmas candy, a yearly tradition. we made chocolate covered cherries, caramels, peanut butter & marshmallow fudge, peanut brittle and i think i will make some divinity today.
now that all of those things were done we celebrated henry's 7th birthday. i cannot believe that he is seven. i have been so thankful for this little boy God blessed us with who gave us the names, Mom and Dad.

for his birthday party we had a "messy" party! we had pizza, the kids made their own ice cream sundaes with whip cream and tons of toppings. but the grand finale of the party was the 72 cans of silly string that those kids went nuts with!! it was a blast!!
**note the ground covered in silly string behind henry!

miss ramey has finally weighed in at 13lbs!! she is doing fabulous and even started eating some cereal in the last couple of weeks. she is sleeping through the night, talking up a storm and working so hard to strengthen her little leg muscles. i am sure that in no time she will be crawling all over the place and we will be in for it!!
i guess that is the quick update as of late. like i said- life has been crazy busy!

at this time of year i can quickly loose sight of what we are celebrating. this year however it is my prayer for myself and for my family that we would not get caught up in the hustle and bustle of commercialized Christmas but rather have a growing excitement as we approach the birthday celebration of Jesus!

Lord, i pray that you would captivate my mind and heart in such a way this season that my eyes would be fixed on you. thank you for your Word that has revealed your son, my savior's, coming since the very beginning and thank you Lord for giving a far greater gift than anything we will give or receive this year.

Merry Christmas to all of you!! For any of you who may not have received a Christmas card from us this year please know that you are not the only one...i under ordered by a huge margin this year!! here are some of the pics from our attempts at a Christmas card...enjoy!!

face lift...

2008-12-04T12:45:00.000-08:00

i tried putting this really cute background on here but because my last background was custom made by my sweet husband...i am not sure what to do to fix this.

tonight maybe my hubby will get it all fixed up.

life with four...

2008-11-25T09:41:00.000-08:00

i often am asked, "what's it like with four kids?" well let me give you a quick idea...
trying to capture a family photo for a christmas card is basically impossible. in fact i think next year while attempting the for mentioned photo needed for a christmas card i will also have someone there video taping the whole ordeal. then instead of a family photo we will send out a dvd of the "adventure" and title it "we tried".

another fun thing about four kids is the fact that real life happens and though i would love to be able to have my eye on all the kids at all times (for safety reasons) i just can't do it. sometimes i have to go upstairs and change a poopy diaper and the others are left downstairs.

yesterday this is exactly what happened. i took ramey caroline upstairs to change her diaper and left the other three in the living room. upon my return i saw anna on the floor in the laundry room. i was not concerned at finding her in this location simply because her other name around here is emelda marcos and the laundry room is where we keep our shoes. i assumed she was putting on some shoes... we all know what happens when we assume! i said to her, "anna, what a you up to?" she turned around and this is what i saw-
don't worry- it is not blood. no it is in fact- my lipstick. for whatever reason she decided to put it on as if it were eye makeup. it actually scared me when i saw her at first but then i realized what it was and so i grabbed the camera and then washed her face.

i am finding that in so many situations where i could totally lose my cool and get mad about something the kids did if i grab my camera then i calm down rather quickly. don't get me wrong she did get corrected for this choice but not with the anger that was there when i realized what she has done to my lipstick.

another fun thing is that i love the stage where ramey caroline is (by the way she has finally reached 12lbs)...she found her feet a while ago and loves to put them in her mouth. this lends itself to seeing serious baby yoga poses!!

well there is just a glimpse of what has been going on with the kids around here.

for any of you who might not have heard- ross is working again. he started a position here in tucson last week. though it is a 3 month contract position it has potential to become permanent after that time. please pray we would trust God to put him right where he needs to be for as long as he needs to be there.

have a wonderful thanksgiving this week. i know our family is so very thankful for this year in many ways. praise the Lord we are able to say thank you!!

video clip is too big...

2008-11-11T13:38:00.001-08:00

sorry, everyone, but the video of henry's baptism is too big for it to post. i am including some of the still shots of it for you to see.
allen is talking with henry about his relationship with Jesus.i know allen is blurry but check out all that water...

allen is praying for henry's relationship with Jesus to grow day by day and in all things.

haircuts and baptism...

2008-11-10T16:48:00.000-08:00

henry decided to give himself a HAIRCUT on the morning of his baptism. yes- you read that right...he cut his own hair an hour before we had to be at the church. let me just say that our son was blessed with a double cowlick on the back of his head. this allows for an unintentional mohawk when his hair gets too long. the mohawk had been starting to stand out in the last week but i had no time to take him to get a haircut and he never seemed bothered by it. that was until sunday morning.

he came in after having gotten dressed and said, "mom, can you cut this up here? it's standing up." i responded with, "sure, just go get me the scissors." on his return he had a strange and guilty look on his face. then i saw it. there was a patch of hair laying on the front of his little vest. i then brought my eyes up to his hairline and there it was...a chunk taken out of his hair.

i immediately prayed, "Lord, don't let me lose it over something silly like this. help me keep my cool." i took a deep breath, smiled and told him to not cut his hair again. i then said, "henry, i am going to get the camera, take a picture of you and then shave your head." that's what we did.

for many of you who might want to see henry's baptism i have included the video of it here for you. henry prayed to accept God's gift of salvation two and a half years ago and recently began asking about baptism. he was very excited to let his church know that Jesus is his Savior. by the time we got to church and he saw all the people my shy little guy decided to only nod and answer the pastor with a quiet voice. it was precious to actually see what God has already done in his heart and the work that is going on in him daily. i held the tears back until the water poured over his head. what a day!!

"pick a peet"...

2008-10-31T21:57:00.000-07:00

yes, "pick a peet" does in fact mean "trick or treat". it only took anna about two houses before she had the whole thing figured out. she even threw in a "tank to" after receiving the loot and gave a wave as the door would close.some of our good friends, who couldn't come last year, came over for the festivities this year. ross and alan stayed at the house enjoying tasty beverages and passing out candy while ramey slept upstairs and allison and i took the other 6 kids around the neighborhood. i think the older kids had a blast and i know anna and emmie did. every once in a while the kids would cop a squat in a driveway and dig in their bags for a treat. this was also the time when a diaper would get changed.
little miss ramey didn't go with us this year but she did sport a pumpkin outfit for about ten minutes...just long enough for some picture.

our neighborhood did a great job of keeping the decorations a little more low key. only a couple of houses were questionable. two in particular stand out as the wackos this year. at one house a man had a VERY SCARY mask on and of course when anna saw him she started to wig a little so we began backing away. meanwhile emmie is starting to walk backwards and all the while this guy is growling. yes growling at two year olds...wacko award #1 goes to him. wacko award #2 goes to the old creepy man who brushed his extremely long gray hair over his face like cousin it. none of the kids liked him either especially not luke. when the man realized he was not a favorite he pulls his hair back and makes a scary face at luke and a yucky noise too. what is wrong with people?? fetal alcohol syndrome?

on the flip side though- one family gets major kuddos!! dad dressed like captain hook from head to toe, mom dressed as wendy and the little girl was tinkerbell with pixie dust!

oh and for those who may be wondering if ross has a job yet- the answer is no. we are still waiting. there are four possibles but nothing for sure yet so please pray as we wait on the Lord.

ode to laundry...

2008-10-19T20:27:00.000-07:00

friday i realized the kids were out of clean underwear and all their other necessities.
then i began to sort four kids worth of laundry plus mine and ross'.

this is what the piles of clean laundry look like for all four kids...there are still two more loads going. note to self...don't wait two weeks to do the laundry.
this is me when it's all done...

wonderful weather...

2008-10-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

i love this time of year! highs in the 80s, low humidity, a cool breeze! my kids love this weather too. in fact this morning the girls played outside for quite some time. they were swinging on the swing set and writing with chalk on the porch. the windows are all open on the house and the birds are chirping a sweet sound. i don't know if there is anything better! it was so nice that i couldn't even finish cleaning the kitchen or brush my teeth. i had to go outside and play with them. i wish i would slow down more to just play! (jen- this pic is one that daph and i did for miss ellie belle.)
this week was crazy hair night at awanas. spiky hair just isn't crazy these days so thankfully my friend had some color spray. henry and sage had blue and green hair which they of course thought was the coolest thing ever. i have to admit...it was pretty fun looking!

henry has been doing a lot of reading these days which i am so excited about. i pray all the time that he would have a love for learning but most of all that he would have a desire to read the Bible all his days so that he would know God more deeply. the other day as i was getting dinner ready this is what i saw...

hope you have a great weekend!

the latest...

2008-10-07T14:42:00.000-07:00

here's anna and emmie once again, loving life and enjoying each other.

ramey is now 3 and half months old...well she was when i took this picture. next week our little one will be four months old. time is flying by way too fast!

we withdrew daph from school at the end of september with the thought of moving away or at least saving money while we wait. last thursday i took the girls to the zoo with aunt cat and zach. we had a really fun time just enjoying the animals. i have to say, our zoo is just the right size for a morning outing. not too big and not too small.
this picture is of daphne being silly while we waited for aunt cat and zach to arrive. note my younger one in the background trying to jack the atm machine. we aren't that desperate!!

lastly, here's our birthday girl. daphne turned 4 on the 1st so we invited family and a couple of friends over for dinner and cupcakes to celebrate.

keep praying, folks. we are not going to phoenix either. there are a few things in the works right now so pray that something will stick SOON!!

not what we thought this week would be...

2008-09-21T18:56:00.000-07:00

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9

i have no clue what is going on in our lives other than God is doing something!!

we are no longer going to seattle. two days after receiving his "welcome to the company" letter and packet the company ross was going to work for retracted their offer. we were shocked and very disappointed to say the least. as i had said in the previous post my heart ached at the thought of leaving our friends and family here but the desire for adventure rages within both ross and me. we had become excited about going. we were ready to see what the Lord had for us to learn and share there. now that is no longer.

after receiving the "welcome" letter ross contacted the other company who had extended an offer to him and kindly declined their offer. needless to say when word came that we were no longer going to seattle he immediately called this company to see if they would still like to have him. they told him they were already interviewing someone else but would let him know the next week. they did call him on the following monday and extended the offer again (plus relocation). we were thankful but so much less excited...the job is in phoenix (just outside of).

let me say that when this seattle job was taken away it really shook me. when ramey and i both faced death this year i stood more firmly on my faith than i did in this. why? why would something as trivial as losing a job/not having to move to a city 1500 miles away shake my faith more than my daughter's fight for life? the answer- the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. i am sure that we are being pursued by one who wants nothing more than to void our impact for Christ. i, too often, want to sit under a palm tree and sip on an umbrella drink and watch the world pass by but because i am a christian i must fight the good fight all the way to the finish line.

early catholic art made popular the mythical bird- the phoenix. near the end of the life of the phoenix it builds a nest of cinnamon twigs that it then ignites; both bird and nest burn fiercely and reduce to ashes from which a new bird is born. catholic art used this as symbolism of Christ's resurrection.

in our attempt to love and live like Christ i believe our move to the phoenix area may be symbolism in our lives. ross and i, because of Christ living in us, will rise from the ashes of disappointment and pride to make God famous because it is only because He wills it that we even sit here breathing.

i am a very self reliant person- so much so that i once said to the Lord during this layoff, "Lord, could you hurry up and give ross a job so i don't have to depend on you anymore?" i wasn't even being silly in saying that- i meant it and when i realized i truly meant that in my heart i laughed at myself for still being so dense.

i have no doubt that God has plans for hope and a future for me and ross and our kids. i also have no doubt that all too often i get on the floor kicking and screaming because i think i know what is best for us. i am wrong every time. this time i want to step out in faith and trust God to provide for our every need. i want only to be exactly where God wants me for i know there is no better place to be than under the shadow of His wing.

join us as we pray for a new excitement towards this job and this relocation. we want to go and be like daniel, meshach, shadrach and abednago- we want to come out of this fire not even smelling like smoke!

"In my distress I call on the Lord and he answers me." (ps. 120:1)

** to our sweet friends who actually sent us a gift card to ll bean, we would love to return this to you being that we won't need rain wear after all. email me and let me know how to get this back to you.

we're moving...

2008-09-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

today it is for sure. we are moving to seattle, washington. ross took a job there and will leave next week. the kids and i will follow, hopefully, before the end of october. it is crazy to think that we will be living in the northwest. 10 years ago i figured we'd live in texas all our life but look at the adventure we are on! we are excited about this new adventure. we love the coast and cold weather so we're giving it a try.

my heart is sad though. God has given us rich blessings in our friends here. i cannot imagine not seeing the faces of my friends each day. in fact my heart physically aches when i think of this. so much so that i am going to quit writing about it for now.

the kids go back and forth about the move. they don't want to leave their friends either but are very excited to whale watch and pick blueberries. i have checked out pumpkin patches and christmas tree farms.

i can't wait to see all the beautiful things that so many people keep telling me about. one thing i have realized though...we don't have winter wardrobes. if ever you want to give a gift to the newman family...ll bean gift cards, lands end gift cards...that would help to clothe our flip flop, tank top wearing family!

g.k. chesterton once said, "an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered." adventure is defined as "an unusual, exciting, and daring experience." so we are following Him to a new place. though difficult, we know He is at work and our lives are in His hand. bring on the adventure!

ramey has something to say...

2008-09-03T19:04:00.000-07:00

superfriends...

2008-09-02T11:15:00.001-07:00

fighting the bad guys

in flight

wonder girl

we almost wet our pants watching this...

2008-09-01T19:19:00.000-07:00

you have got to see this hilarious video of the kids...well actually anna. after dinner we were watching the kids dance to some music and anna had to join in. it is so funny!

anna turns two in just 14 days. i can't believe how fast it has gone by and yet it seems like she has always been with us. she is definitely our comedian and life of the party... as you can see in the video.

here's our girl wearing the mane to henry's lion costume...i still think of tina turner.she loves this hat even if it is 97 degrees outside. curls!! i can't bring myself to get her first haircut because she is our only one with curls. they are too precious!anna and emmie, her best friend.

happy almost 2nd birthday, little bit. we love you!!

pity party & some pictures...

2008-08-23T15:19:00.000-07:00

so bear with me for just a minute...

i was just looking at some pictures of some friend's new baby born yesterday. he is beautiful and their family looks so excited to have a new little guy in the mix.

for some reason all of a sudden i felt so sad that we would not be having any more kids. i think the reality of how everything happened when ramey was born hit me. i missed out on having the sweet moments after she was born to hold her and stare at her and then to introduce her to her siblings. i know that seems silly in the big picture- don't miss understand me- i am forever thankful that i can hold her in my arms and look at her everyday. too many mommies out there cannot hold their precious ones in their arms today and there is nothing more difficult than that- i know this!

my ideal of how her birth and first days were to happen were blown out of the water and i will never do it again. i think i am grieving that a little today. i don't know that we would have had any more kids even if we could but today the idea of how my birthing experiences should go is no longer and i am a little sad about it.

my baby's are each so precious to me and i am so very grateful to have them. i have been richly blessed by God who has given them to us. so i will now stop my pity party and have a thankful heart!

now for some pictures from the last few days...anna's nap. can that be all that comfortable?
henry and ramey enjoying some time together. she is starting to coo these days.
the kids are enjoying their rocking horse that grandad alan made for them. in fact they all love it so much that sometimes the horse has to go into timeout. for a rare moment though the girls are having fun together on it!

have a great evening...we're going to watch superman with henry. i'll let you know how he likes it!

grumpus...

2008-08-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

i love this girl!!! anna is so independent and has attitude to go with it. hmmm...unfortunately that sounds a bit like me..i mean- like ross.

here she is not wanting her picture taken. she's even cute with her furrowed brow!

"we are wonder woman and that guy"...

2008-08-20T12:40:00.000-07:00

our kids made us laugh this week! they love to dress up and recently a friend dropped off a ton of boy costumes which made henry very excited. the costumes include superman, a teenage mutant ninja turtle, a race care driver, a doctor, flash and green lantern.

daph and henry were playing the other day and when they came down all dressed up daphne said, "we're wonder woman and that guy". "that guy", aka green lantern, even wanted his purple ring in the picture so take note.

henry started first grade this week. i can't believe how fast he is growing up. he is so excited because his best friend, malachi, is in his class. the two of them have a great friendship and i am thankful for malachi's sweet heart.

here is our movie star! lauren, one of our awesome babysitters, came over a couple of days last week to hang out with us and the kids. while she was over daphne asked her to paint her fingers and toes. they look beautiful but it encouraged daphne to ask if she could paint my toes. i let her even though it took all the strength i had not to try to do it for her. needless to say there is not a picture to post of the mess that is my pink toes.
ramey is now two months old and is finally 9 lbs. that may still seem huge to many of you but this kiddo has only gained 19 ounces since she came home.

daphne also started school. she and her best friend ellie were going to be in the same class but ellie's family took a great job in texas and so they moved yesterday. it was very sad to watch the girls say goodbye and i know they don't fully understand that they won't see each other again. daphne has a couple of buddies in her class so i am sure she will be just fine but life won't be the same around here without ellie belle!and here is our silly anna. this was snack time today...she likes the faux cheese in these handi snacks. anna is finally saying more and more. my favorites are- "tay too" for thank you and daddia which is russian for daddy.

when i was in houston a couple of weeks ago my niece, lily was saying the funniest thing. she likes the book fancy nancy but with her two almost three year old language abilities she calls the book fancy nasty.

with the olympics going on i thought that combining anna's "daddia" and lily's "fancy nasty"
we could have them rooting for nastia.

oh- here is daphne with her latest goofiness. we have no idea where she got this but it cracks me up!!

that is about all that is happening around here these days. ross is still applying for new jobs and has a phone interview with a different company this afternoon. the only problem is it would mean relocating. we would prefer not to relocate so we are still hopeful about one of the positions here in town. pray that our hearts would align with God's will and that God would make the rough places smooth in all areas of our lives right now.

Lord, you know our hearts and you know our desire but we recognize that your word says that you work all things for the good of those who are called according to your purpose. Lord, your will be done and we ask for peace as we wait on you. thank you for your hand that is always upon us.

the latest...

2008-08-11T22:43:00.000-07:00

for those of you who thought our summer had been eventful enough...

one week after ramey came home from the NICU we moved and then ross was laid off . just typing that makes my head hurt again. then a week ago this past sunday my grandfather passed away which had me and ramey on a plane headed to texas for his funeral. then for the cherry on top...i volunteered myself to be henry's room mom!

this has definitely been a season of pruning and so i am clinging to what i know about God. i am not here on earth to only please Him but rather to trust Him. i am having to choose in every moment to trust Him who has never let me down.

while ramey and i were in texas anna was learning to sleep in her big girl bed. here are a couple of pics...the first was during nap and the second is where she was around midnight. too funny!!

school starts tomorrow for henry. i can't believe it!! things should be slightly quieter now. daph will miss him i am sure but she starts school next week. what will i do with myself...oh yes- unpack!

ramey is doing well. she had a follow up with the hospital and everything looks good except her weight gain was not enough. babies are suppose to gain 1/2 to 1 ounce a day and she wasn't doing that when the nurse was out to see her. tomorrow the nurse comes and so we should see if she has picked up some pounds. i'll let you know.

i need to go make a lunch for my boy so till next time- please pray for the Lord to bring ross a job quickly!!!

tomorrow...

2008-08-09T23:34:00.000-07:00

i will post tomorrow with all the latest. a lot has been going on around here.

the past week...

2008-07-22T14:11:00.000-07:00

something i have learned in the last 2 weeks since ramey has been home is that i am thirsty!! i am in need of a camelbak. if you are not familiar with these things they are pretty cool. it is a water back pack that has a straw on it so as you hike, bike or run you can just put the straw in your mouth and keep on going. i need on of these. i rarely have the chance to stop and pour a glass of water.
my friend (the one who gave my kids the window paint) brought over something to try instead of the paint. now you would think that i would not try anything "artsy" again after the fiasco that was window painting but- no. we gave these crayola window markers a chance and i have to say that they are great. the kids had fun and i was not stressed out about the use of these things. if you were tempted to try window art- don't do it. if you want a different kind of art fun then go for the markers!
we went to our nephew's birthday party this past saturday. the kids had a great time and i will say that the wildlife museum wasn't bad. it was interesting and it was air conditioned...two good things. henry and daph had been before- back when we were going to the hospital to be with ramey. the crocodile was a hit with henry but daph showed us her more hesitant side.some of this week's findings...

daphne and her friend ellie hiding in my bathroom cabinet. if any of you noticed the grandma style aqua net hairspray know that it is not for my own hair but rather for the shellacking that had to be done (and blogged about) for daphne's dance recital in june. i may not be on the cutting edge of style but aqua net is something that i know to stay away from.

this is anna, affectionately referred to as the "little general" by her daddy. she can either be found hiding out in our pantry or hanging on the side of ramey's bassinet. she doesn't tend to mess with ramey but does enjoy staring at her. she may be almost two and all its glory but she is sure a sweet heart!

and this is what i was just looking at. ramey is snoozing the afternoon away in my arms. this is good and bad. good because i have a chance to get a drink of water and bad because she needs to eat now and sleep tonight. this is just a season...right? btw- notice the batman sticker? a gift from her big brother.

lastly...
three out of four kids in a picture is pretty good...and they were almost all looking at the camera. there is hope to be had for our christmas card picture.

a few pics...

2008-07-15T13:28:00.000-07:00

i know she looks huge but she really is tiny. in fact she is still wearing premie clothes. can you see the red in her hair?? she even had curls after her bath. who knows what or who she will look like!

5 days in...

2008-07-14T20:48:00.000-07:00

today was day 5 with ramey home. i thought i should paint the picture that is our home.

things are nuts. in fact i am not even sure if the first day of having all four home that i sat down once. i was running back and forth mediating fights, feeding ramey, correcting behavior, wiping rear ends, pumping, you name it... my in-laws were even there helping. i thought at one point, if i can't do this with two extra adults here how will i ever handle this on my own. thankfully as the days have gone by things have gotten better. the kids are still really pushing all our boundaries but we are holding firm!

ramey is really getting settled in. she has put herself on a schedule which is great!! she is like a little clock. she is also eating much better. i am really pleased with where she is five days in. i took her to the dr. on friday and she had gained an ounce and does not have a heart murmur!! we are really thankful about that.

for those of you wanting some new pictures...i am trying to upload them but for some reason blogger is having some trouble. i will try again later.

so this is our chaos but i am so thankful for it all!

she's home...

2008-07-09T20:27:00.000-07:00

that's right. we brought ramey home today!! yesterday while i was at the hospital the nurse practitioner mentioned that she thought wednesday would be the day. she told me to call before i came up this morning and see what the plan was. at 8 am we called and they were already filling out her discharge papers! by 10am we were driving away with our newest addition in the backseat. the other three kids were at play dates so i had the awesome job of sitting with my feet up and holding ramey all i wanted without any chaos. we even watched family feud. can i just tell you all that i cannot remember the last time i sat with my feet up and watched a game show. it was like being a first time mom again.

daphne came home first and was a total sweetheart with ramey. she immediately wanted to hold her and kiss her. she sat for a good 30 minutes just holding her new baby sister. i would look over at my girls and daph would be sweetly moving the blanket away from ramey's mouth or touching her hair. it was very precious.when henry arrived he too was ecstatic. he immediately grabbed the pillow and wanted to hold her. i think he actually sat holding her for about an hour. i would look over and he would be kissing the top of her heart. he would tell me, "mom, i just love her. she's so pretty."

anna, well she kept her distance but would point and say, "baby. maya (mine)." she seems to be interested so maybe tomorrow we'll let her try to hold her baby sister.

ramey came home weighing in at 7lbs 13oz- just 4oz over birth weight. i am taking her in to see her pediatrician on friday so we will see how she does with eating between now and then.

i wanted to share a couple of other fun pics from today and one from last week. this first one is from breakfast this morning. note the goggles being worn around her neck. she is a nut!!this next picture is one we took when henry told us that he loves daphne's "earrings, golden hair and her abilities". not sure where the "abilities" came from from but it was pretty cute. he also sat down tonight and started teaching her letter sounds and some math problems. she was so quick to listen to him...she adores her big brother!

update + some thoughts...

2008-07-07T13:19:00.000-07:00

i wanted to update you all on ramey and on little lesly.

ramey was stable enough this morning that she has been transferred to a hospital only about 15 minutes from our house. she is eating better and better. in fact i fed her at noon and she at all 70mL. the nurse called me at home about 45 minutes later and said they offered her 30 more mL after i left because she was seeming to be hungry still and she ate all of that too. hopefully this is not a fluke but rather the corner she needed to turn!

lesly has gone home!!! praise God she is home with her momma and daddy. what a long and hard road their family faced but look at God's sweet care for that little one. i am reminded of the scripture that says not even a sparrow falls to the ground apart from His will.

speaking of His will- some have wondered about our ability to not totally lose it or freak out through all we have been through in the last month. i thought that i would make an attempt to share some of our thoughts on the subject. you might think that because we have been through similar situations/diagnosis with henry that that might be how we keep it together. well if you remember my post from when i saw ramey in the hospital for the first time you might remember me saying that you can never be prepared to see your child in such dire straits. no amount of time in a neonatal intensive care unit prepares you to see your child so ill. others might think that because we have buried a child before that we are able to face these odds with more umph. no- each child is so uniquely different and loved so individually that one's life cannot be summed up in another's.

over the last 7 years as God has grown our family with more kiddos He has also been showing us more of who He is. He is God and i am not and that in and of itself is enough for me/us during all of this. to be real honest i found myself wanting to hide from Him in the first days of all this because i could not bear to ask Him for ramey's healing and His answer be "no". as one singer sings, "my faith is like shifting sand so i stand on grace." i am so thankful that His grace is sufficient in my weakness.

it can often be easy to give Him props (= church word for glory) for something if it goes the way we want it to. we have seem Him heal our son, henry. we were so thankful and were in awe of the one who created all things being willing to heal our precious son. we have also experienced God's "no" to healing ollie. why did He say, "no"? He said "no" because we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (romans 8:28) that isn't the specific answer that many expect us to have or want in regards to why God chose not to heal ollie here on earth but it is the reason. God is at work and because we can trust His character we know that He does all things for our good because He loves us.

there is no formula that we have tapped into to be okay with what ramey and i have been through. we simply have clung to the hem of His robe and trusted. there is a freedom in trusting Him. there is a peace in knowing that, good or bad, He is in control. ross compared it all to the way our story began at the first hospital. the first hospital did everything they could to help ramey and they ran out of options, they could offer nothing else to save our girl. the hospital where she ended up had many options and they dealt with babies as sick and sicker than she all the time. nothing we were up against was new to them. they had a plan. God has seen it all and nothing we have faced is new to Him. He has a plan and we can trust He is at work doing what is best.

my stubborn will never wants to be conformed to His because there is nothing good in me apart from Him but when my will is conformed i can see Him more clearly. i don't like the painful way that my will has to be broken but the result is so much greater. out pastor shared a piece of c.s. lewis' book the voyage of the dawn treader. in it a boy ends up becoming a dragon and when aslan, the king of narnia, tells him to take off the dragon skin the boy's attempts do nothing. then aslan penetrates the outward thick dragon skin all the way to the boy's heart and peels away what covers him and once again the boy is human. that is what this whole experience has been for me- God is peeling away all that is not pure and all that is not good. He is going straight to my heart and changing me in the process.

Lord, thank you for all that we have been through. thank you for the painful ways you have been pulling off my dragon skin. thank you that we can trust what You are doing even when it hurts or is scary or is not what we want. thank you for doing what is best for us all the time. You alone are God and so to You alone we give praise for what You have done.

a full day of fun...

2008-07-05T15:03:00.000-07:00

yesterday was such a fun day with henry and daphne. we had such a great time with them even though we all were completely over-stimulated by the time our heads hit our pillows.

ross' mom & dad came over to spend the day with anna and so once they arrived we headed out the door. as soon as we got downtown we started to find a restaurant for lunch. we ended up at a favorite of ours- micha's. they have to have the best carne asada chimichangas in town (though tod, ross' brother, can grill up some mighty tasty carne asada too). a sweet older man offered to take our family picture- well a partial family picture.

after lunch we went over to the convention center for "the greatest show on earth". the kids were so excited! while we were pulling in the parking lot they spotted our friends so we quickly joined them in line. we were able to go into an arena where many of the animals were on exhibit. we saw elephants, tigers, horses and even a porcupine. after the animal exhibit we went in and were able to go down on the floor to watch some of the action up close. henry even got to go help some clowns and they also got to try on some costumes. all the sights and sounds were slightly overwhelming for me so i can totally understand why daphne looks a bit glazed over in most of our pictures.

once in our seats with popcorn and lemonade in hand (gold plated popcorn and lemonade i might add) the show began and i heard the giggles of two very happy little kids sitting right next to me. at one point henry said to me, "mom, i want to be in the circus." of course daph was enamoured with the costumes all the girls were wearing. ross and i were a bit baffled by one costume though... the girls were wearing plastic bodysuits that had handlebars attached at the hip. rather interesting in our opinion!
finally the show ended and we loaded up and took the kids to the hospital. daphne was so excited to meet her baby sister! i took her in and had the biggest smile on her face. i asked her what she thought of her new baby sister and she said, "she's so pretty." the nurses let us actually go into one of the rooming in rooms so that we could spend time with ramey as a family. the kids wanted to hold her so badly but she was sleeping and i just didn't want to wake her with the chaos that was sure to ensue. so instead of holding her we sang lots of songs to her. they both kept asking when we could bring her home. i wish it was today but she isn't ready yet.
as for an update on ramey- she is still doing well but she is taking in so much milk via bottle and tube that i am having a hard time keeping up with her. please pray that i can up my production so that i can keep up with her. she has been eating anywhere from 20 to 50 mL every other feeding. we are seeing progress but it is still slow.

we finished our day by heading to the goodings for a party. it was great to go out and see folks i haven't seen since before all this craziness. allison made some awesome food- in fact her desert was a very tasty ice cream cake decorated like an american flag...so martha!

we had a day filled with lots of fun and smiles. it was so great to be with almost all my family for a whole day.

thank you Lord for the time we spent with the older kids. thank you for laughter and hugs. thank you for yesterday.

update- thursday...

2008-07-03T19:38:00.000-07:00

today ramey got her pic line removed!! yeah- one less leash attached to her. all she has now are her leads and her feeding tube.

she did okay yesterday with her feeds. in fact she ate one full bottle and 55mL of another. this morning was not as good but we are about to call to see how her evening has been. she has lost 200 grams over the last week so her attending has bumped her up to needing 70mL a feeding.

in other news... i had my shunt removed from my bladder today and well it was not the most comfortable procedure but not nearly as bad as anything i dealt with two weeks ago. the shunt was about 8 inches long and somehow that was in my walnut sized bladder and kidney... at least that is where i think it all was. i need to ask the dr. where it was and why. i know that sounds funny that i didn't know what was all in there but remember that i was totally out of it when my original surgery was finished and my extremely exhausted and stressed out husband was the one who received the info from the dr. all i know is that i am feeling some slight relief which is encouraging.

tomorrow we are taking henry and daph to the circus. we are going to have quite a day with them and i think they need it maybe as much as i do. it will be tough because we won't see ramey till late but i need some time with my big kids! i will post pics tomorrow of all our fun.

here are our latest prayer requests:
1. pray that ramey will take all of her feeds well
2. pray that i would have increased relief from my bladder issues and that my sciatic nerve would feel better quickly
3. pray that the time we spend with the kids tomorrow would be multiplied just like the fish and the loaves once were

thank you all for your prayers. have a great fourth of july!

anxious...

2008-07-02T17:49:00.001-07:00

ramey is doing rather well each day. today she was taken completely off her fentanyl and tomorrow she will finish with the hydrocortisone. if she handles this well then they will be able to take out her pic line tomorrow. all she will have left at that point is her feeding tube which stays in till she can eat 65mL by bottle. she is only doing about 30 to 35mL as of now but hopefully she will get the hang of it over the weekend.

i am asking that you all pray for me as i head in to the urologist's office tomorrow. since all of the problems that occurred while in the hospital i have an anxious mind and heart about having to go. i would have probably avoided making an appointment all together except i was told that i have a stint in my bladder that has to be removed. the process that will be used to do this sounds very unpleasant and the thought of it makes me actually want to cry. if you know me well then you know that i am a pretty tough lady who once had a high tolerance for pain...that is no longer. i am much like a child terrified by the doctor's needle. the nurse at the urologist's office said i wouldn't feel pain only pressure but if i want to take some pain meds before coming in i might want to. hmmm... that says pain is involved in my mind. please pray that the Lord would calm my anxiousness and that the pain would be nonexistent or minimal.

we love you all.

good day...

2008-06-29T22:53:00.000-07:00

what a day! when ross and i walked in the nicu to see ramey today we were so surprised. the nurse was sitting in a rocking chair holding her with a bottle in her mouth and the big bed was gone. trying not to run down the pod we got to her as fast as we could and saw that she not only was no longer on CPAP but did not even have the nasal cannula. she is breathing room air all on her own!!

she took half of her feedings by bottle and tomorrow i will spend most of the day with her trying to nurse. please pray that ramey will take to nursing easily. her dr. actually made mention of 4 days or so and then maybe we'd be bringing her home. we shall see. i'll let you know how tomorrow goes.

thanks for the continued prayers and support!!

two steps forward one step back...

2008-06-27T18:51:00.000-07:00

today was not as great as yesterday for miss ramey.

when i got to the hospital this morning ramey was still having a high respiratory rate. the nurse let me hold her as we waited for rounds but she did tell me that ramey's latest blood gas was not good. during rounds they talked about what they felt was going on with ramey and basically they felt she just needed some help "popping open" her alveoli (grape like structure in the lungs). the plan was made and once rounds were over they put ramey on CPAP. CPAP is a machine that forces air into her lungs helping her to get that oxygen down to where it needs to be. around 12:30, right before i left, the latest blood gas came back and indicated she was getting what she needs.around 3 ross called to check in on ramey and the nurse shared that her respiratory rate had not gotten better yet and so a chest xray had been done. a portion of ramey's right lung did in fact collapse and so they put her on her belly and used a vibrating machine placed on her back to help open up the lung.

she is doing a little better this evening but please pray that her lungs would function properly on their own. it is so hard to watch her struggle to breathe. there is nothing i can do to make it easier.

my heart hurts tonight as i think of the struggles of the last two weeks. my heart hurts because it is torn between home and the hospital. pray for me as i try to care for all of my babies.

thanks.

she has no tubes...

2008-06-26T22:31:00.001-07:00

we just got home from the hospital and ramey is no longer on the ventilator!! she handled the weaning of nitric well this afternoon and so she is now on a nasal cannula and learning to use her chest muscles on her own. they were able to get that pic line into her foot so they took out the remaining lines in her bellybutton.

with the vent out we heard her first whimper. she can't cry much yet because her throat is still swollen and irritated from the tubes. her lungs are still wet as we have mentioned before so pray that God would dry them out. she is feeding better and her belly is doing better at digesting so this is good.

when we got there tonight ross got his chance to hold her. she did fine for a while but before i could hold her she started struggling to breathe so she had to go back to her bed and settle down. i did get to feed her and change a poopy diaper so that was nice.

though she is doing really well she is still not ready to come home. in fact she has a ways to go from what i can tell. she does not like to swallow. she would much rather have someone come suction her mouth out (does that = high maintenance?). she has to master this reflex in order to nurse and then she can try to feed and then maybe we can talk about home. i am actually okay with the time it is taking mainly because i am scared to bring her home and something go wrong. i want her to be fully ready to be home before we bring her. pray i would remember this as the days go by and we wait to bring her home.

it was a great time with her tonight and ross and i enjoyed just being able to go to the hospital together. continue to pray with us for her complete restoration. thanks for coming on this journey with us. we love you all! goodnight.

pray...

2008-06-26T13:20:00.000-07:00

if you read this before 2pm pacific time or 4 pm central be praying for ramey. at noon pst she came off the nitric oxide and at 2pm the dr. will be checking her blood gases. if the blood gases look good at 2pm then they will extubate her this afternoon!! pray that she responds well to coming off the nitric and the vent- God willing!

13 days of waiting...

2008-06-25T14:33:00.000-07:00

13 days ago ramey joined us and yet i have not held her in my arms. i get as close as i possibly can and kiss her head then i linger taking in all her smells and the feel of her forehead on my lips. i can't seem to get close enough.

today i went to the hospital to spend the morning with her. after being there a little while ramey woke up and so i was able to look into her eyes for a good long while...probably the longest amount of time to date. while i was looking at her i asked her dr. who had come over to say hello what had to come out before i could hold her. she looked at everything and said, "you should be able to hold her now. i'll make sure with the nurse." 10 minutes later i was sitting in a rocking chair holding my baby girl for the first time. it took the nurse and a respiratory therapist to get her into my lap with all her tubes but i didn't care one bit. ramey was pretty agitated when they moved her but once everyone left her tubes alone she settled right in and i held her for about an hour and half. i could have stayed there all day long. she is so beautiful. of course i didn't bring my camera...i am going to just leave it in my purse from here on out. i will get a picture tomorrow!

all of the extra fluids have finally gone so she is actually below her birth weight. she had plumped up to just shy of 9lbs 3 days ago but now she is at 7lbs 8 1/2 oz.

she has had a good couple of days in terms of the weening of the vent and nitric. she still needs to get the digesting of food down. she does well most of the time but then she'll have a feeding where she didn't digest even half of her feeding. pray that her tummy would work the way it should!

i can't remember if i shared with you all or not but the little baby who was on ECMO in the room next to ramey has come off of ECMO- PRAISE GOD!!! she is in the regular nicu around the corner from ramey and she is doing very well. pray for her parents. her daddy, eduardo, said to ross that it is all so hard to understand (they do not speak much english). this is a scary place to be when you understand the language everyone is speaking and so i cannot imagine the fear that could so easily grip those who do not speak english.

what a day! 13 days i have waited to hold ramey and today i did! i can't wait to hold her more and more.

thank you Jesus for your continued healing in my baby girl's life. thank you for showing yourself in a "yes" to our prayers for healing. thank you for breathing new life into ramey. thank you for giving me hands to hold her today!

friday, saturday, sunday...

2008-06-21T19:37:00.000-07:00

friday ross and i celebrated 10 years of marriage! 10 years ago neither of us could have fathomed the road that lay ahead of us. great joys and great sorrows, easy days and hard ones, plenty and want...you get the picture. i love this man and would not want to have anyone else by my side than him.

for our anniversary we went to a restaurant called zinburger. it was great and we would totally recommend it to any of you here in town. during the summer between 5 & 7 all wine is half off by the glass or by the bottle. it had a great casual atmosphere and fantastic zucchini fries!

friday was a great day for us. we were able to go spend the morning with ramey and hear what awesome progress she is making. we met with a geneticist who was nerdy giddy with excitement about us. evidently there are no known reports of families who have two children with pulmonary hypertension and the other complications that both ramey and henry have had. next week a specific gene will be tested in relation to the adult gene for pulmonary hypertension. if there is a link then henry will need to be tested too. ross and i most likely carry some recessive gene that probably has effected the kids. all i know is that my God is bigger than genetics!

after lunch we went back to the house and picked up henry to take him to meet his newest baby sister. what a precious time it was to see him with her. he was pretty nervous at first- ramey is at the end of a pretty long bay that has many babies and many tubes. once by her bedside he asked us what we do when we are with her. i told him that we talk to her, to each other, pray and even sing. he immediately reached for my hand and then he said, "let's pray right now."

after a busy friday i realized that i totally over did it. saturday was a nice slower pace. our friend tonya came over and stayed with the kids for several hours and we were able to go back up to be with ramey. while we were there she was waking up from the paralytic that they turned off. she was moving her hands and her feet. when we would look at her face she would try lifting her eyebrows to open her eyes. it was so cute!

after coming back up from lunch i looked down at my girl and there they were, her open eyes. she was looking around a little. ross and i took turns talking to her and staring into those precious little eyes. her blood pressure (not a bad thing) would go up as we would talk to her. i didn't want to go home!

today, sunday, her eyes were open even more! she is doing so well. she is still coming off of her meds and ventilators. our guess is that she may come home in the next 2 weeks if not a little sooner. i am looking forward to holding her again. i just want to lay her head on my chest and smell her hair for as long as i want to.

here are some specific prayer requests for us-
1. pray that the nurse practioner would be able to get a new arterial line into her arm tonight. it didn't work earlier and so they will try again here soon and try for her arm again or her leg.
2. pray that ramey would continue to heal and respond well to the weening process that the dr. has her on.
3. pray that my body would make drastic improvements on the healing front as well. i am having some chest congestion that is hard to cough up with all my other pain.
4. pray for ross as he returns to work tomorrow morning- he would prefer to stay home till ramey gets home but that just isn't possible.

answered prayer-
1. the swelling in ramey's left leg is drastically better. the ultrasound did not show a blood clot so it seems to be dependant edema and it is resolving.

here is a picture of ramey from her one week birthday. enjoy!!

wednesday

2008-06-18T20:13:00.000-07:00

tonight as i type i want you to know that i am typing from my own bed under my own covers. how good it is to be home!

i think i told you all yesterday that the ICU dr. told me if my hemoglobin levels were 7 or above this morning then he would let me go home. last night after my sweet friend, allison came for a visit i could not go to sleep. i tried laying in bed (the most annoying bed ever- it often sounded like a helicopter about to take off), i tried counting backwards from 534 (something i do when i am still awake at night), i walked the floor with my nurse 4 or 5 times. i sat in the chair and read all the NICU literature given to us by the hospital and then finally i realized that i was anxious about the blood test results. i was so scared that i was not going to get to leave and go see ramey. the nurse came in at 2:30am to draw blood and then i was able to close my eyes and just spend time talking with the Lord about all that had been going on and my anxiety. i finally fell asleep around 3 or so. i was wide awake at 6 asking the nurse for the results. praise God i was at 7.6. by 10a.m. we were out the door and headed over to be with my precious new daughter. i was so thankful to see her again. i held her hand i touched her tummy. i kissed her.

somewhere in me i thought i would be okay seeing her like that since henry had been through all this same stuff but i wasn't. it broke my heart to see my baby laying there hooked up to so many things and not moving. i guess you can never prepare yourself for anything of such magnitude.

the baby next to ramey is on ECMO and as we waited outside ramey's room i would look over to this baby and see her dark hair poking out from under all the tubes and my heart broke for her and her family. i just wanted to go over and kiss her little head just the way i was waiting to kiss my own daughter's. these baby's are in need of the very breath of God to flow through their tiny bodies. each time i have been with ramey (today being the third time) i have prayed for God to breathe new life into her and so i ask you to pray this for her and also for the baby girl next to her.

as for me- i am feeling okay. very tired, still in pain and still looking forward to the day when i can walk at a normal pace again. i had a fantastic nap when i got home today and then i was able to just sit with my three other babies and love on them. to hold them was precious to me. my daphne kept telling me she missed me and then asked if she was allowed to touch me or did the dr. tell me not to. anna came running and crawled in my lap and i held her close- she looked so grown up. my henry came over, wrapped his arms around me and cried. it is so good to be home!

thank you all for your continued love, support and prayers for our family. it is He alone who has sustained us and i stand back knowing the love i have for ramey and cannot fathom the depth of God's love for me in His giving of His son, Jesus. what love He poured out for His children. please continue to join us as we seek His mercy for our little girl.

we love you all.

my turn...

2008-06-17T17:41:00.000-07:00

it is me doing some updating today. what a whirlwind the last six days have been.

this morning i had the sweet blessing of spending some much needed alone time with my precious husband. there is no man in this world who i love more than him. he has been my caregiver, my protector, my defender, my advocate, my friend and so much more. i look at him and i see God's handiwork displayed in a man who has the heart the size of the ocean and i am able to call him mine.

i am feeling much better today. today was a huge turning point for me. i woke up around 6 feeling like i was ready to walk the floor and make some progress in all my recovery. yesterday i was still so loopy from the anesthesia that i rested much of the day. today...i walked the floor 3 times, i had two more units of blood, i had a drainage tube removed, i sat in the chair much of the morning, i pumped, i pottied, i found out that if my hemoglobin levels are 7 or higher that i might actually go home tomorrow. all in all it was a really good day.

ramey had a good day too. ross is better at giving her updates being that he is with her but she was requiring less oxygen and they did a lot or weaning of her levels. good news for her too! i am hopeful that i will be released and able to go see her tomorrow.

my friend recommended that i put specific prayer requests right here to help all of you know what exactly to pray.
1. pray obviously for both ramey and my complete healing
2. pray that ramey would have no residual damage from her time on the vent and other meds
3. pray that i would be able to be relieved of bladder discomfort
4. pray for henry who is having a hard time because he misses me and his daddy and wants to see his baby sister
5. pray for daphne who is having a hard time with her feelings
6. pray for anna who probably has no idea what is going on but knows that things aren't quite right
7. pray for ross, who is caring the weight of his whole family on his shoulders- pray for rest and that he does not get sick.

i know that is a lot but this is where we are as a family. all of you have been so good to us and we are more than thankful for the ways that you have loved on us through everything!! we love you all.

Update - Monday

2008-06-16T11:30:00.001-07:00

Hi all, Ross again. Last night Ramey did amazingly well. They're quick to tell me that she's still not out of the woods, but they are pleased that she's responding well. After about 30 minutes of sleep last night, I got a call from Linda, who was staying with Mandy. She told me to come to St Josephs quickly because Mandy was in the ICU and was about to go into emergency surgery. She was in surgery about 3 1/2 hours and her doctor, when finished, came out to tell me that Mandy had a blood clot consisting of 2 liters of blood in her bladder. (Think about a 2-Liter of Coke in your bladder) It was so big that there was no way they could get it out, so in surgery, the doctor cut it into little pieces and removed it one piece at a time. She is much better and they're even hoping to get Mandy up and walking this afternoon. So we had another scare and another miracle...

Update - Sunday

2008-06-15T09:05:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone, Ross still here. Sorry it's been a few days since the last post - quite a bit has been going on. Friday, Ramey started doing poorly. She was breathing really quickly (note my previous posts) and her oxygen saturation dropped from 100% down to 60%. The doctor put her on 100% oxygen to see if that would bring it back up, and it didn't, so they called in a transport to UMC hospital here in Tucson. UMC's NICU is designed to handle the sicker babies, and so I packed up my things and followed Ramey to the new hospital. Friday night, in the NICU at UMC, she still wasn't doing well. They had her on a new medication, Nitric Oxide, which is supposed to stimulate the blood vessels in Ramey's lungs to receive oxygen and convert it into her blood better. Let me say that the NICU consisted of a small room with 8 beds for babies, and about 30 doctors, nurses, etc scurrying about. They all knew what they were doing, but for me, it was total chaos and I was completely over-stimulated. All I seemed to be doing was moving out of the path of whichever healthcare professional that was making a bee-line to whichever baby who needed their care. So, after a little while the doctor taking care of Ramey told me that she wasn't doing well and she recommended putting Ramey onto ECMO (a heart-lung bypass that takes out the baby's blood, takes out impurities, oxygenates it, and puts it back into the body. This effectively gives the lungs a break in order to heal). For those of you who don't know us all that well, our 6 year-old, Henry, was in the same situation at birth, but the Nitric Oxide that Ramey's now on aided in turning Henry around and God used it to heal him before they put him on ECMO. Up in the NICU, her doctor told me that Ramey had about a 10% chance of survival Friday night on the current path they were taking, and she felt that Ramey would have a 50% chance of survival on ECMO. I agreed, and they moved Ramey down to the PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care) because they don't administer ECMO up in the NICU. So they got all of Ramey's machinery (four free-standing, rolling towers that are all attached to her in some form or fashion), her bed, and all her doctors, nurses, etc and made the slow trek to the elevator to take us down to the PICU floor. Walking behind all this, it looked like the circus was coming to town. In all the chaos and uncertainty, I was able to muster a smile imagining a circus train (like on Dumbo) transporting my sick baby to another department. So we arrived to the PICU, and Ramey was given a private room and the surgeons prepped both Ramey and her room for the surgery to implant tubes into her main artery and vein in her neck in order to take the blood from her little body, clean it, and return it to her. She was draped for the surgery and it was go-time when someone had the notion to check her blood gases to see how she was doing. They got the results, had a discussion, and the doctor came over to me and told me that all of Ramey's stats were back to normal and that they were going to hold off putting her on ECMO to see what's going on. Several blood gas tests later, there was a celebration, and they sent the ECMO team home because the results were better each time they tested them. So that was Friday night. God spared my little girl from having to do the heart-lung bypass. Instead of ECMO, she's on a ventilator and nitric oxide to hopefully heal her lungs and get her better. Yesterday and today, she's maintaining the proper levels of oxygen saturation and all the other things they're looking for. I've noticed that the doctors here are part mad scientists - if a reading is off in one direction or another, they'll tinker with drugs, pressures, etc to re-attain the desired level. So they're doing a tremendous job of keeping her stable and in the optimal state for healing her lungs. So I praise the Lord for bringing her here and bringing her all the way from a 10% chance of survival to where she is now. She's not out of the woods yet, but I'd like to think she's seeing sunlight between the branches on her way to the forest’s edge. Since Thursday, I'd slept about 6 hours total, and last night, I was able to sleep a bit more, so I'm feeling better today. (The reason why I hadn't blogged since Thursday night)

Which brings us to the topic of my beautiful bride. Friday, when Ramey was doing poorly at the previous hospital (Where Mandy still resides), they discharged Mandy from the ICU so that she could say Hi and Bye to Ramey. Keep in mind that she held Ramey for a few seconds in the operating room and had no further contact until this point. Being that she was in a wheelchair, she was somewhat limited in her contact with Ramey, but she was able to say "Bye" in person as they transported her to UMC. The doctors are thinking now that this premature exit from the ICU perhaps caused some complications in Mandy because after this point, Mandy had excruciating pain for the next two days. Yesterday, they performed a CT on Mandy and determined that she has blood clots in her bladder. In a marathon 4-hour procedure, they irrigated the clots out of her bladder (Saturday night), and so far today (Sunday), Mandy told me the clots are back and they're going to have to irrigate again. So please be praying for Mandy because this is very painful for her. It's even more painful that she's across town from her baby and we don't know when she'll be well enough to leave the hospital. So there you have it. In the past three days, both Mandy and Ramey have faced death and God has spared them both. I praise Him for that! Again, let me reiterate that both of them are still in bad shape and anything could happen, but right now, both are healing and I'm thankful for that. I'm going to try not to worry about tomorrow, but instead I'll choose to enjoy today.

I am truly amazed by the two miracles I have witnessed in person in both Mandy and Ramey. Mandy's amazing OB told us that she's never seen anything like what she experienced in the operating room, and that she's never given as much blood as she gave to Mandy to any of her other patients before. Besides all that, she (her OB) told us that from what she saw inside Mandy, she realized that if Mandy had gone into labor at home, both she and Ramey would have died. When they were about to transport Ramey, I turned to Mandy and said, "I just wish that God would show up." Mandy corrected me - in middle of all her pain, and said, "God's been here the whole time." I didn't even realize all of the things He had done up to that point to keep Mandy and Ramey alive. Now as I look back, I see God in all the events that have occurred and am a bit ashamed that I even questioned His presence. Anyway, I just want to encourage all of you to stop and look around when you feel like God's on vacation. This has been quite a roller-coaster ride, and I just wanted to bring you all along with us on this ride, because it's not over yet. Please pray for us, our doctors, nurses, etc. Please also pray for all the people who are helping us with meals, babysitting, visiting us, transporting things for us, etc. We are truly thankful for everything.

That's it for now!

Take care,
Ross

More Pics

2008-06-13T02:25:00.000-07:00

Under the Oxygen hood

Closeup under the Oxygen hood

Ramey Caroline

2008-06-12T18:51:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, this is still Ross. Mandy mentioned that she would like to blog this evening, but she has since fallen asleep and so that I don't keep all of you waiting, I'll publish some photos.

First off, both girls are doing better. Mandy was awake for two hours this evening and we had some friends come by to see her, so that was fun. Her doctor came by and showed Mandy some photos she took of Mandy's innards. The whole thing was quite a miracle. She said that if Mandy had gone into labor at home, more than likely both Mandy and Ramey would have died. God took good care of my girls. I'm hoping that tomorrow they'll let Mandy leave the ICU and go to her room in the women's center.

Ramey's doing well, too. She's still in the NICU and they've got this oxygen box around her head pumping in 100% oxygen in order to keep her lungs from over-working. Her lungs are still classified as "wet" but still no signs of anything worse. She still has some air in her stomach, but other than that, she's doing well. The thing that makes me nervous is her fast breathing - they say that's due to her "wet" lungs.

Tonight, I'm getting kicked out of the ICU at 8:30 and will then head on over to the NICU to spend the rest of the night with Ramey. They've got a leather recliner that I'll be planting my posterior into and settling in for the evening. Speaking of Ramey, here are some pictures:

Oh, the drama!

Cutie Pie

Mandy's Doctor has a sense of humor - she and Ramey were playing peek-a-boo over the curtain

"I want my daddy!"

Here's a picture I took a few minutes ago. Being that Mandy's asleep, she was unable to approve or deny the picture for the blog, so here it is. I might get in trouble for it, but I want all of you to see my tough, beautiful wife. Note also the IV in her jugular. Gives me the creeps.

Have a good evening - Mandy will probably resume her blogging tomorrow. Thanks for all your prayers!!

Please Pray!

2008-06-12T12:39:00.050-07:00

Hi everyone, Ross here. I'm sitting in Mandy's ICU room typing this as she sleeps. I'm sure that Mandy will fill you in on the details later, but I wanted to tell you all that this morning, Ramey Caroline was born - 7 pounds 9 ounces and 19 inches long. She's beautiful and I'll post photos as soon as I can. Here's the short version of what's happened today: After Ramey was born, I kissed Mandy and left to go to the nursery with the baby. After watching all the typical newborn tests, I left to go find out how Mandy was. The nurses outside the OR told me that she was not doing well and that they were going to transfer her to the ICU. So I made a few phone calls, told my parents - who were in the waiting room, and came back to the OR to be told that Mandy had been moved to the ICU. I made the walk across the hospital to the ICU to be told that Mandy was still in the OR, so I had to wait in the waiting room of the ICU until they brought her there. Once they brought me back to her room, I found out that Mandy had lost a lot of blood during the surgery (about 1/2 of her body's supply) and her anesthesiologist told me that her blood pressure was so low at one point that they had gotten the "crash cart" and he was about to start chest compressions. However, instead of having to do this, the drugs they gave her (and the five units of blood) brought her blood pressure back up. I think she'll remain in the ICU under constant supervision until they feel she can go back to a room at the women's center - possibly tomorrow. She's been sleeping much of the day so far, but I was able to show her pictures of Ramey during a short time of being awake.

Ramey also has been sent to the NICU. She swallowed blood during the surgery and her lungs were still "wet" from the amniotic fluid, so she was breathing really fast, and they sent her to the NICU for closer supervision. I just called over there and they've performed a chest x-ray and they said that along with the "wet" lungs, she also has air in her tummy that she will end up passing...She's on oxygen and I'm going to go see her when I'm done with this post. All in all, my girls are well and are being taken care of.

I was able to call and tell Henry that he has another baby sister. His reply was, "Oh, nooooo!" I can just imagine him slapping his forehead as he said this. Our friend, Allison, who was watching him at the time told me that he had a giant smile as I told him. He's a big brother to THREE sisters! Wow.

Check back this evening, I'll update this again then.

Ross

self discovery...

2008-06-10T14:41:00.000-07:00

it is always good to learn something about one's self. today i have gained greater insight into who i am...or maybe who i am not.

i was not created to be an art teacher. there is nothing about me that would want to be an art teacher. that is not to say that i do not love art or wouldn't enjoy an art class for myself. what i am simply saying is that the control freak in me cannot do paint with a 6 and a 3 year old and remain sane.

a sweet friend of mine gave the kids some really cool paint rollers and brushes with some paints. the whole deal sounds cool because you mix the paint with dish soap, paint on the window and then it comes off easily. okay so i told the kids we would do this today after henry came home from sports camp while anna was sleeping. so i mixed the paint and soap, opened up the paint brushes, gave them the rules of what could and could not be painted and off they went.

it didn't take me long to realize that this was going to be an extreme mess. it took all i had in me not to lose it with said mess. i had to ask for their forgiveness for getting a little fussy with them and then i had to just take pictures and tell myself that these moments make memories no matter how messy.

something else i learned during this "art" time is that you should not take on such venturous projects two days before giving birth. thursday morning #4 will arrive!

life is a roller coaster...

2008-06-04T14:37:00.000-07:00

i am not real sure what happened to me this morning but i must say that i felt overwhelmed. maybe because i didn't sleep well or maybe because of hormones- who knows. today was daphne's tech rehearsal for her dance recital. let me just say that i was NEVER a dancer of any kind growing up and especially not the beautiful ballerina type. i am responsible for turning my very playful, often dirty, little 3 yr. old into a beautiful ballerina- not just one time for the recital but three times- the week before we add to our chaos. can we say ahhhh?????

today i am very gently trying to shellack my tender-headed little girl's hair to her head in a bun and get her dressed to some extent before our friend and her daughter come to pick us up (since i shouldn't be driving all over the place). needless to say i was late (thanks jen for being so patient with me). then a block or two from my house i realize i had forgotten daph's ballet shoes. we turned around went back picked them up and got back to driving. we were suppose to be there 20 minutes early but i set us back a good ten not to mention we had to hike across the campus with me huge and slow and then two little girls whose feet were going probably about as fast as they could.

once in the auditorium i had to get daph out of the travel leotard and into her costume, put on fluffy arm bands, wrap sequin thingies around her neck and shellacked bun, add blush and lipstick and get those darn ballet shoes on. she looked beautiful but i was on the verge of breaking down into massive amounts of tears.

the girls looked great, performed about like you would expect 3 yr. olds to on a huge stage and i was able to breathe. ross even came to watch- when he asked me if i was okay i had to work hard to hold myself together. he made me laugh when we stood there photographing and videotaping of the scene in the movie parenthood about life being a roller coaster. life is and i want to enjoy it more!

here is our daphne doing her thing and looking so adorable.

the end is near...

2008-05-30T13:17:00.000-07:00

no i am not going to write about the end of the world so if that is what you were hoping for i would turn back now.

i am talking about the end of this pregnancy. the plan is to deliver baby on the 12th unless anything goes haywire before then. baby will be 4 weeks early and though most babies born that early are tiny- this one should be about the size of most people's full termers. i would guess this baby is probably going to be around the 7lb. mark. i guess we will see very shortly.

this week we have had many people come over to help me around the house. it has been really great to watch people love on my kiddos. they made puppets with yarn for hair, did puppet shows for me, they created with perler beads and have read tons of books. ladies have made sure my laundry was done, dishes were clean, floors vacuumed, car was filled with gas, fridge was washed and clean and even made sure that the clothes the kids had grown out of were packed up and put in the garage. it is so very hard for me to sit back and watch people do this stuff but i must say that it has blessed me immensely!!

it's the end of the week so ross will be here with us and i must say that that man is the best! he has such a servant's heart and so i want to do something special for him for father's day. any ideas??

i guess i will get back to writing my thank you notes- there is NO excuse for not getting those to people!!

have a great weekend.

graduation day...

2008-05-22T12:04:00.000-07:00

today i was actually out of the hospital (i got to come home tuesday afternoon) and so i was able to go to henry's kindergarten graduation. i can't believe my boy has finished his first official year of school. what a wonderful year it has been! i have seen such growth in him throughout this year.

the kindergarten teachers gave out awards of excellence based on character traits they saw in each individual child. henry was awarded for the character trait of joyfulness. here is what his teacher had to say about him.

this time last year my sister and i were searching the web for different assessments for kindergarten readiness. we were wondering if our babies were going to flourish or be bowled over. let's just say that both chloe and henry have done a phenomenal job this year and at times have exceeded expectations we had for them.

when i look at henry i see a little boy who can now read, write, add, subtract, even multiply (though he doesn't realize that is what he is doing) but even more than that i see a little boy who God has blessed with a sweet spirit and a love for those around him. he has come away from kindergarten more confident and yet not arrogant. his teacher once said to me that henry was a quiet leader. he did not have to tell people what to do or how to do it but rather there was just something magnetic about him that caused the other children to follow his lead. i am so thankful for how God has grown and continues to grow our little man.

now it is summer! school is out and there is lots of playing to be done!

Lord, thank you for a fantastic year in school. thank you for providing a way for us to be in a school that seeks you and seeks to glorify you in all areas of learning. thank you for the friendships that have begun and for the ones that were strengthened throughout this year. thank you for a teacher who loves our son and challenged him to grow in all areas. thank you that she loves you and has a personal relationship with you. to you all glory and honor are due for this year and for all things. we love you. amen

mondays at the hospital...

2008-05-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

yes you did read that correctly. at 2 am yesterday morning we were back at the hospital.

ross and i both ended up with some kind of bug sunday night that made us really sick. i started the evening with the throwing up and he still doesn't fell much better. i probably only feel better because they gave me meds to stop the nausea.

this time i was in the hospital because i had been throwing up for a couple of hours and my contractions kicked in. at 1:15am i was pretty sure we were going to have to make the cross town trek but i called into the dr. just to be sure. the dr. agreed that it was probably a dehydration issue but because of my high-riskness ( not a real word, i know) we had to go in. it was a good thing i did because the contractions were actually pretty big and painful.

they gave me magnesium sulfate all day to get them stopped and thankfully it worked. i am back on my other meds now and might be able to go home this afternoon- if not then tomorrow morning. i might still make it to henry's graduation!! that's what i am hoping for.

this baby is quite the wild one. it never likes to be monitored which can make for fun times. about every half hour a nurse comes in to readjust the monitor...this means rare uninterrupted time to sleep. my nurse last night finally just let baby stay off the monitor for a while so i could get about 4 hours of sleep. that was great. when baby was moving around in dramatic fashion yesterday i just smiled and thought about how much i am looking forward to meeting this little one.

often times life is so busy that i forget we are having another baby but with all this focused attention on this pregnancy i have been able to really anticipate who God is making this little one into. who will it look like? what kind of temperament will it have? is it a boy or girl? when will it get here? will it be chubby and have lots of hair?

Lord, i know you know the time, day and location for this baby's birthday. i trust that you have all that figured out and so i will rest in knowing that You have it all under control. thank you for being the man with the plan!!

home...

2008-05-15T13:37:00.000-07:00

i have been sent home to do bed rest! hallelujah!

after a very busy wednesday at the hospital doing dr. consults and then an MRI it was decided that i could come home if and only if i would do nothing. i know that many of you are laughing at that but in reality i do not, i repeat- do not, want to have this baby at the hospital that is in our area. i am praying that we would have enough time to get to ours on the other side of town. this being the case i am getting my days lined up with help that can come over and be my hands and feet with the kids.

today i have been able to not do much but even in just getting my own lunch prepared and then cleaned up i have found that it is not a good idea for me to really do anything.

i will say though that the MRI results showed that my placenta has not attached itself to my bladder so that is a huge praise!! i am still taking meds to keep contractions at bay and baby is still baking at this point.

i will keep you all posted on how things are going. keep praying!

ahhh....

2008-05-13T20:21:00.000-07:00

so i learned a major life lesson on monday. monday morning after dropping kids off at school i had my scheduled non-stress test. i didn't feel great when i woke up at 6- i was having some pretty painful cramping but not contractions. i didn't think it was a big deal so i didn't take a shower or shave my legs. i figured i could do that once i got home. let's just say that it is tuesday night and i am still at the hospital. life lesson...just take a shower and shave your legs no matter what you think your day will be like.

once i got to the dr. and they started the monitor there was definitely uterine irritability and my blood pressure was higher than normal. the nurse even made a comment about my lack of smiles. i was ushered into an exam room and my dr. told me she was sending me over to the hospital so that a test could be done on my bladder and steroids could be started. after being in the labor and delivery triage for a bit i started having regular contractions. these were actually pretty uncomfortable. so needless to say i wound up being admitted for 24 hours for observation and monitoring.

now after 24 hours of meds to keep contractions at bay, 2 doses of steroids and being cared for wonderfully both in the hospital and my family being cared for in amazing ways outside the hospital i was told i would be here for the duration of this pregnancy or until the perinatologists say i can go home. tomorrow i will have a perinatologist consult and an MRI. from there we will see what is ahead. my dr. said i will have baby by 36 weeks but she is pretty sure before then...

i also found out this evening that i have a heart murmur. i had never been told that but i have wondered since i read an article relating heart murmurs and migraines. interesting. i guess i have to let my dentist know!

so this has been my last 24 hours. for ross however it has been much more hectic. God has been so wonderfully gracious to provide friends who have stepped up to the plate in our need. friends have been helping take kids to and from school & activities. others have provided meals. others have begun rallying the troops so that there is food on the table for ross and the kids. i am so very thankful and so humbled by it all. thanks just doesn't seem enough.

on another note... we are the proud new uncle and aunt of another little boy. ross' brother scott and his wife carrie brought home their newest addition, anthony. carrie is recovering after having to have an emergency c-section. she and baby are doing well and from what i have been told scott will be able to be home to help for a couple of weeks until her mom can come out. she is going to need all those extra hands!! i can't wait to meet this little guy. i saw a picture of carrie holding him and he looks pretty cute and she once again looked phenomenal. she is a beautiful momma.

well that's it for today. i am off to get some more meds and some rest for my busy day tomorrow. please continue to pray for all of our family in the days and weeks ahead! we will keep you posted.

10th annual shakespeare festival...

2008-05-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

today was a really neat day at henry's school. each year the children- kindergarten through sixth grade put on a fantastic array of shakespearean productions.

the kindergarteners always do the maypole dance. the boys hold ribbons and walk in one direction while the girls hold ribbons and walk the opposite direction until the ribbons wrap all the way down the pole. it is quite adorable. in fact when the announcer said he was going to call out each child's name i got a little misty eyed...must be these hormones!!

i am including a clip from their performance but just know that at the end the world tips on its side...on my camera it worked just fine but somehow it didn't convert the way i thought it would...sorry.

the kids were so adorable! as you can see the boys all wore khaki and white and the girls wore their pretty dresses. their heads were all adorned with laurel wreaths for the boys and floral ones on the girls. here's a picture of henry and callie (one of the other kids had to get in on the shot too).

the festival was fun too! each grade level hosted a carnival booth- we had the cookie walk- we made snickerdoodles, mmmm. the high school kids from our sister school came and ran the games and then the festival had third party vendors for food. there was a local coffee shop, a bbq place, baskin robbins and everyone's favorite with the mile long line, chick-fil-a. a group of adult fencing experts were there showing off in mighty duals and our headmaster and his wife were dressed in the full costume...they were all over the place and so i never caught a pic of them. every time daphne would see them she would ask me if they were santa and mrs. claus.

what a great tradition!! we are all looking forward to the 11th annual festival!!

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this week i caught this pic of all three of the kids snuggled up in our bed and they all had their thumbs in their mouths. i couldn't resist the photo op!!

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pregnancy update- baby is continuing to doing well and is still baking. my specialist called my placenta previa "a vascular mess" so we continue to keep a close eye on everything. she did say that baby is "chubby" and that "most white babies don't have that much hair". all in all it sounds like baby is a chubby, hairy little thing! not too endearing in theory- i guess it is a good thing that it has a cute profile like the rest of our kiddos!! we will begin our steroids on the 15th and "if we make it to 34 weeks" we will do our mri at that point. all in all, nothing has really changed so we wait and pray for a safe and healthy delivery sometime in the coming weeks.

oh, for posterity's sake, i have two very weird quirks during this pregnancy. i can't stop chewing ice...i know very bad for the teeth and most definitely a sign of an iron deficiency. i am working on it. the second quirk might actually be the weirdest of all quirks. i love, and when i say love i mean crazy love, the smell of safeguard soap. this is probably the cheapest soap on the shelf but when i smell it i get this strange physical reaction to it. something in my nazzle passage gets all funky. i truly love to take a shower so that i can just smell the soap...in fact, writing about it makes me want to go get the soap and lather it up on my hands for a good sniff. crazy!!! i know but i thought i should document it. i have looked it up and there are far weirder people in the world than me. some people actually like to eat the soap...now that is beyond quirky, that's down right abnormal!

i am going to try to take more pictures so that you all can see the kids. i know that is really why people read the blog! have a great weekend!!

pray with me...

2008-04-28T15:52:00.000-07:00

Lord, here i am hurting for their family. my heart aches for the pain i know she feels and for the heavy weight of sadness that fills her. my prayer is that she will know You and You alone are all that can heal this brokenness and give comfort. i pray that she would know how much you love her and how much you love her baby girl. Lord, i pray she and her husband would draw near to You today and in the coming days.

friends, please pray for a family who have just learned that their precious baby girl has passed away inside the womb of her mother. this mommy will have to deliver her first child tonight knowing she will never hear her cry. this is a day she will never forget. be praying for them.

saturday morning...

2008-04-12T08:48:00.000-07:00

real quick i wanted to post about some memories ross and i were just sharing. during breakfast we were talking about things in our childhood that we hold as special memories- orange rolls from moeller''s bakery, crabbing in the bay, playing on the beach, etc.

after breakfast ross was sweetly washing the dishes and he asked if i remember our date nights during our first year of marriage. we would scrounge up our last couple of dollars and go buy a couple of egg rolls then walk the mall. another date was to scrounge up those dollars, take our coupon and go to TCBY. we would get the same thing every time- i got white chocolate mousse and he would get whatever sorbet was available- buy one get one free.

it can be so easy to forget what God has brought us from. He has been so gracious to us and to our marriage even when by any standards we were failing. He has redeemed us and our marriage- He is good.

my health and our friday night event...

2008-04-07T14:35:00.000-07:00

the date on this is monday the 7th but it is actually friday the 11th now...i have been a little busy this week.

let me say that last week was yuck. i ended up going to the er on tuesday morning...it might have been wednesday morning. i could not catch my breath at all. i do not have pneumonia but did have bronchitis. they did a chest xray and gave me a breathing treatment and then sent me on my way with a prescription in hand. i also had no voice all week. this made it interesting because it isn't like i could just not talk to the kids. they still needed interaction and correction at times. thankfully i am feeling much better and i have been able to sleep the last three nights without waking up in major coughing fits.

on another note- tonight is friday and often times on friday evening we will take the kids out to eat. tonight we decided to go to chick-fil-a. it is nice, new and has an enclosed almost sound-proof play area. if you remember many posts back i told you about daph's throw-up issue at chili's. i learned my lesson that night...if she says she can't eat any more then DON'T make her. tonight she had her last nugget and said she couldn't chew it anymore. i immediately handed her the box and she spit out the nugget. all was well and she ran off to play.

three minutes later she had a look of terror on her face as she ran out of the play area and i grabbed a napkin in the nick of time. she started her friday night throw up. i said to ross, "grab one of those bags." he did, he opened it, and in went the rest. what a team we are, i tell you!!

everyone got cleaned up and the evening went on. what's up with the friday night throw up from our 3yr. old? anyone else have this trouble?

as for an update on the pregnancy- we are starting into the 28th week. we are at the point where i will start going to see the dr. every two weeks, have non-stress tests twice a week, i still have at least 2 more perinatologist appointments left, steroids will begin in 4 weeks and we are hopeful baby will be baking in the "oven" for 9 more weeks. we will keep you posted if baby decides to join us early.

there you have it...the latest. stay tuned because i am planning a post all about my husband sometime over the weekend. i think it is high time to share how awesome a man he truly is.

have a great weekend!

what does "sick as a dog" mean anyway...

2008-03-30T19:49:00.000-07:00

i have no clue what that saying means but that is right where i am. i am sick as a dog! i have been having some allergies over the last week- just really a stuffy nose but last night all "you know what " broke loose. i spent much of the night having horrid coughing fits and so this morning i did not do anything (because i have a phenomenal husband) and i tried just laying around resting. to no avail, i might add. every time i got close to falling asleep another coughing fit would start.
i pulled out my list of meds that are okay for pregnant women and ross went to pick something up. well i am not convinced that it is doing any good what so ever. in fact tonight i feel like my cough is an attempt to hack up concrete that has made its home in my lungs and my throat is sore as all get out. my ears hurt and my body is just a mess. i am suppose to go see my ob on wednesday but i am thinking i should maybe call in tomorrow about this yuck.

butterflies, spring break and easter...

2008-03-24T15:05:00.000-07:00

this past week was spring break for the kids. i always look forward to this break not just because we don't have to race out the door each morning but also because i love my kids and spending time with them.

this spring break started out pretty rocky... i wasn't so sure we would make it through the week when i was having to do some major disciplining on monday morning. thankfully as the week progressed the kids settled down a bit and we all enjoyed some fun times together.

when the boys went on their men's weekend daphne enjoyed receiving a new book. let me just say that my niece, chloe introduced us to fancy nancy and we have loved her ever since. if you haven't read fancy nancy then go to your library and pick it up because it is adorable. the second book was cute but not my favorite so when fancy nancy, bonjour butterfly hit the shelves i wasn't sure what to expect. let me just say that jane o'connor has definitely done a great job with this one!! i think it is adorable and daphne agrees. back to my story... we have been enjoying bonjour butterfly for several weeks and so i thought that a visit to the botanical gardens butterfly exhibit would be fun. along with some friends we headed south and enjoyed seeing all the beautiful butterflies. henry even got a "kiss" from one. (a butterfly landed on his shoulder.) before going into the extremely warm greenhouse i did read bonjour butterfly to the kids. my camera totally fogged up in the exhibit so i didn't get as many of the great pics i had so hoped for. but here's some anyway (the one of henry's butterfly kiss is thanks to abby)... outside the exhibit we were able to take the kids over to a children's area were they were able to dig for worms. as you can see, the boys were in to this!!

other events of the week included a quick trip up to the mountains north of us. we thought it would be a great get-away but instead it was boring with a capital B! the town had nothing to do for little ones. we spent much of our time at a park on the playground. it was nice to get the fresh air but in all reality we could have gone to a park here in town and saved the $. we walked around the lake a bit the first day and then on saturday we took the kids to a city sponsored egg hunt. the kids had a good time especially staying in a "two beds". for ross and i, however, the hotel experience ranks up there with miserable!! anna decided at midnight that it was time for a family party and so for the next four hours we battled with her and the need for sleep. henry & daph never even rolled over during all the fussing. finally we celebrated easter. i love that i can say to my babies "He is risen!" and i hear "He is risen indeed!" i enjoy the time we spend in the days before easter as well as any day when we talk together about Christ's gift to us in His death and in His resurrection.

speaking of Christ's gift to us, the other evening we were driving somewhere and we can hear henry and daphne talking about Jesus. henry asks daphne if she wants Jesus to live in her heart and her response was "He already does." henry shared with her that she needed to ask Him to live in her heart and then she says "okay". he then leads his little sister in a sweet prayer asking Jesus to live in her. it was such a sweet moment to be able to hear. anna wasn't into the whole picture thing this easter. i kept reminding ross (and myself) that this picture will capture where we are in life right now. there will be many years when the kids will have the self control to sit still and look at the camera so for now...this is where we are!

i just wanted to also take a moment to share something awesome God is doing in the life of one of my sisters. my oldest sister and her husband put there beautiful home on the market just a few weeks ago. their home has become my home away from home over the years. when we go back to houston it is in their home that my crew can take off their shoes, throw real fits, get dirty while playing in the backyard, cry at all hours of the night and just curl up on the couch to watch some fraiser. God has been so gracious to provide a buyer in this wacky market in less than 3 weeks. i think it is evident that when God wants us to move He makes it happen. it makes me think of a line in a song that says, "God move or move me." may it always be so that that we see Him in the moving business!

not a morning person...

2008-03-11T16:36:00.000-07:00

here is my first attempt at adding a video. anna was being silly in their bathroom so i just had to catch it on video. notice how she bats her eyes at herself in the mirror. too funny!

the men's's weekend...

2008-03-11T12:30:00.000-07:00

i realize i told you i would provide an abundance of pictures from ross and henry's "men's weekend" about 10 days ago and well i am just now remembering to do it. the main reason for my slowness is that the "abundance" boils down to about 5 to 7 pictures- mostly self portraits done by my guys. that being said though, they had a great time. when ross asked henry what his favorite thing about the weekend was he answered, "the homerun and then spilling my snowcone down the front of me". they made it through 6 innings before the cold spilt snowcone became too much to handle. in the seventh inning there was a grand slam... maybe next year! henry got a few signatures but there was no sighting of nolan ryan though they did hear he had been around. the boys had a great time and i think they are both looking forward to doing it again next year!

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for those of you who might be wondering- the flowers turned out fine on sunday. no ugly blue carnations!