wednesday

tonight as i type i want you to know that i am typing from my own bed under my own covers. how good it is to be home!

i think i told you all yesterday that the ICU dr. told me if my hemoglobin levels were 7 or above this morning then he would let me go home. last night after my sweet friend, allison came for a visit i could not go to sleep. i tried laying in bed (the most annoying bed ever- it often sounded like a helicopter about to take off), i tried counting backwards from 534 (something i do when i am still awake at night), i walked the floor with my nurse 4 or 5 times. i sat in the chair and read all the NICU literature given to us by the hospital and then finally i realized that i was anxious about the blood test results. i was so scared that i was not going to get to leave and go see ramey. the nurse came in at 2:30am to draw blood and then i was able to close my eyes and just spend time talking with the Lord about all that had been going on and my anxiety. i finally fell asleep around 3 or so. i was wide awake at 6 asking the nurse for the results. praise God i was at 7.6. by 10a.m. we were out the door and headed over to be with my precious new daughter. i was so thankful to see her again. i held her hand i touched her tummy. i kissed her.

somewhere in me i thought i would be okay seeing her like that since henry had been through all this same stuff but i wasn't. it broke my heart to see my baby laying there hooked up to so many things and not moving. i guess you can never prepare yourself for anything of such magnitude.

the baby next to ramey is on ECMO and as we waited outside ramey's room i would look over to this baby and see her dark hair poking out from under all the tubes and my heart broke for her and her family. i just wanted to go over and kiss her little head just the way i was waiting to kiss my own daughter's. these baby's are in need of the very breath of God to flow through their tiny bodies. each time i have been with ramey (today being the third time) i have prayed for God to breathe new life into her and so i ask you to pray this for her and also for the baby girl next to her.

as for me- i am feeling okay. very tired, still in pain and still looking forward to the day when i can walk at a normal pace again. i had a fantastic nap when i got home today and then i was able to just sit with my three other babies and love on them. to hold them was precious to me. my daphne kept telling me she missed me and then asked if she was allowed to touch me or did the dr. tell me not to. anna came running and crawled in my lap and i held her close- she looked so grown up. my henry came over, wrapped his arms around me and cried. it is so good to be home!

thank you all for your continued love, support and prayers for our family. it is He alone who has sustained us and i stand back knowing the love i have for ramey and cannot fathom the depth of God's love for me in His giving of His son, Jesus. what love He poured out for His children. please continue to join us as we seek His mercy for our little girl.

we love you all.