today i had to set up a principal's coffee that the 4th grade was hosting so i had the sweet opportunity to drive my kiddos to school. we are in a carpool and i have the afternoon pick up responsibility so i don't often get to drive them in the mornings. for some reason i enjoy driving them in the mornings. maybe it is because everyone is usually still in a good mood and not feeling the weight of the day. afternoons tend to include tired bodies & minds, grumpy attitudes and/or hungry bellies. with four little people demonstrating one or more of the previously mentioned troubles- afternoon drives home can be....well, less than pleasant.
back to my story. so i dropped off the big kids and the two littles followed me in to the school library to set up this casual informational meeting/conversation with the school principal. i was actually feeling pretty good about the fact that though an item on the sign up sheet was not provided i did not cave in and make the food. i recognized that not having a food spread that looks like a southern living magazine cover was not a reflection on me nor is it a necessity. this is big for me people. i think room moms are typically the "get things done" kinda people and if others don't then i, the room mom, will. so as you can see, this is a big deal that i went in this morning knowing the food spread would not be as i would like and i was okay with it. (insert applause)
all things went well. there was plenty of food and coffee. my littles were not the silent type but we muddled through the meeting with my iphone providing intermittent entertainment. at 9:15 i had to scoot out of the meeting so that i could get to the gym for a workout class. the girls and i got in the car and off we went to the gym. on the way i reached for my phone and sure enough it was not in my purse. oh i was frustrated! but knowing that it was at the school i kept going towards the gym. for the next hour i worked hard and sweated buckets then we headed back to the school.
no one had turned in the phone. it was on silent and so when the office staff called it there was no sound. i checked the garbage can and it was not there. i called ross and asked him to track it. because we had just updated to the new operating system the night before the locator was offline. i left defeated by a 2"x5" piece of modern technology.
once in the car i began to cry. i know that sounds silly but understand that i cannot afford to run out and buy anything i might desire. i have to save. i have to wait. i have to learn delayed gratification. iphones are not cheap. here i was driving home in tears wondering what could have happened to my phone. i was frustrated that i had let the girls play with it. ross never lets them touch his phone and i have thought that was a bit extreme but now i was kicking myself for not having the same standard with my phone.
then the Holy Spirit smacked me upside the head. between my ridiculous thoughts of my "whole life is on that phone" and "all those pictures and videos" He quietly said, "is it really that important to you? where your treasure is so is your heart. do you weep over those who do not know the Father?"
it was as if the e break had just been hit. my whole self reliant, control freak worldly life is on that phone and losing it is disastrous on some level but in the big picture it has no real value even if it did cost me a small fortune. that little man-made machine in more ways than i would like to admit is a tangible representation of my depraved heart.
i rely on myself in so many ways and find that in my control freak world i am restless. there is a song on my iphone (insert little chuckle) by audrey assad that has been striking a cord in me for some time now. "i am restless. i am restless. i am restless till i rest in you. till i rest in you, oh God."
Lord, my soul finds rest in You and You alone. You are the one who has saved me. You are my rock and my salvation. You are my only fortress. I will not be shaken, oh God. Let it be in You, oh Lord, that I seek my security. Forgive me for placing such a high value on such a ridiculous material object. Thank you for pulling the e-break on my meltdown today- showing me where my treasure was. You are so good to me.