i went to the florist today to order flowers for church on sunday (each year we do flowers at church for ollie's birthday). with my limited floral knowledge i tried to explain what i was wanting the arrangement to look like. the lady was doing her very best to help and so she asked if the baby had been a little girl or a little boy. i told her, little boy and she said that they normally do blue and yellow and white flowers- a "spring arrangement".
**if you were at ollie's funeral you might remember that the flowers on his casket were...how do i say it, wrong! the spring bouquet on his casket was much like a bad mum that a girl wears in high school. while i was still in the hospital ross and my sister, keesha, went to the funeral home to make all the arrangements. we had all talked about what i would want in terms of the casket and flowers so they went and did just what i asked. they chose a white casket (instead of pink or blue- yes they offer pink or blue caskets- no plain wood for infants) and they ordered a spring bouquet. like me, they thought tulips, snapdragons, and other such flowers. that is not at all what we got. they put carnations that had been dyed blue on the casket with some yellow flowers and white flowers. needless to say the three of us laughed when we saw them. we still laugh even now about the "spring bouquet".
back to my story at the floral shop. the minute i heard "spring arrangement" visions of dyed blue carnations appeared and i had to say no. i have no idea what the arrangement will look like but i pray that if any blue flowers are in it they will be blue hydrangeas!
today i have been trying to pray for moms who leave hospitals without their babies. moms who have special cards put on their hospital room doors so that no one comes in saying the wrong thing. i am praying for moms who have to bury their babies today or tomorrow or the next day.
i remembering being afraid that i would forget ollie over the years. i haven't, though many memories of that day have faded. my heart still selfishly aches to know and hold my little guy. my grandmother who passed away the january before ollie knew the pain of losing a child. their daughter, laura, was still born. i often wanted to talk to grandmother about how God healed her heart throughout the years. i wanted to ask her if she still remembered anything from so long ago. now five years down the road i know that my grandmother never forgot her little girl just as i will never forget our little boy.
Lord, again i thank you for ollie's birth, his life and for the ways You have changed us all.