ramey was stable enough this morning that she has been transferred to a hospital only about 15 minutes from our house. she is eating better and better. in fact i fed her at noon and she at all 70mL. the nurse called me at home about 45 minutes later and said they offered her 30 more mL after i left because she was seeming to be hungry still and she ate all of that too. hopefully this is not a fluke but rather the corner she needed to turn!
lesly has gone home!!! praise God she is home with her momma and daddy. what a long and hard road their family faced but look at God's sweet care for that little one. i am reminded of the scripture that says not even a sparrow falls to the ground apart from His will.
speaking of His will- some have wondered about our ability to not totally lose it or freak out through all we have been through in the last month. i thought that i would make an attempt to share some of our thoughts on the subject. you might think that because we have been through similar situations/diagnosis with henry that that might be how we keep it together. well if you remember my post from when i saw ramey in the hospital for the first time you might remember me saying that you can never be prepared to see your child in such dire straits. no amount of time in a neonatal intensive care unit prepares you to see your child so ill. others might think that because we have buried a child before that we are able to face these odds with more umph. no- each child is so uniquely different and loved so individually that one's life cannot be summed up in another's.
over the last 7 years as God has grown our family with more kiddos He has also been showing us more of who He is. He is God and i am not and that in and of itself is enough for me/us during all of this. to be real honest i found myself wanting to hide from Him in the first days of all this because i could not bear to ask Him for ramey's healing and His answer be "no". as one singer sings, "my faith is like shifting sand so i stand on grace." i am so thankful that His grace is sufficient in my weakness.
it can often be easy to give Him props (= church word for glory) for something if it goes the way we want it to. we have seem Him heal our son, henry. we were so thankful and were in awe of the one who created all things being willing to heal our precious son. we have also experienced God's "no" to healing ollie. why did He say, "no"? He said "no" because we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (romans 8:28) that isn't the specific answer that many expect us to have or want in regards to why God chose not to heal ollie here on earth but it is the reason. God is at work and because we can trust His character we know that He does all things for our good because He loves us.
there is no formula that we have tapped into to be okay with what ramey and i have been through. we simply have clung to the hem of His robe and trusted. there is a freedom in trusting Him. there is a peace in knowing that, good or bad, He is in control. ross compared it all to the way our story began at the first hospital. the first hospital did everything they could to help ramey and they ran out of options, they could offer nothing else to save our girl. the hospital where she ended up had many options and they dealt with babies as sick and sicker than she all the time. nothing we were up against was new to them. they had a plan. God has seen it all and nothing we have faced is new to Him. He has a plan and we can trust He is at work doing what is best.
my stubborn will never wants to be conformed to His because there is nothing good in me apart from Him but when my will is conformed i can see Him more clearly. i don't like the painful way that my will has to be broken but the result is so much greater. out pastor shared a piece of c.s. lewis' book the voyage of the dawn treader. in it a boy ends up becoming a dragon and when aslan, the king of narnia, tells him to take off the dragon skin the boy's attempts do nothing. then aslan penetrates the outward thick dragon skin all the way to the boy's heart and peels away what covers him and once again the boy is human. that is what this whole experience has been for me- God is peeling away all that is not pure and all that is not good. He is going straight to my heart and changing me in the process.
Lord, thank you for all that we have been through. thank you for the painful ways you have been pulling off my dragon skin. thank you that we can trust what You are doing even when it hurts or is scary or is not what we want. thank you for doing what is best for us all the time. You alone are God and so to You alone we give praise for what You have done.